He Went Out On A Chariot Of Fire

I See Embers Rise

"How many do you gotta take?" Jacky asked, curious.
"I dunno. I just take what I gotta."
"What do you have to take?"
"Anxiety, depression. Stuff for my injuries. I think I'm on an anti-psychotic, too." I tossed a handful of pills back into my mouth and swallowed them with a sip of water.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, it's not your fault."
"But you guys were going to my house-"
"I was the one that said we should even go out. So it's my fault."
"We had this argument at the funeral, I'm not having it again."
I sighed and leaned against the wall. "I'm just... It's different, you know? He was my older brother, he was my Ronnie. He was the guy who gave me my first alcoholic drink and taught me how to sneak guys into the house and how to fight. And I taught him what girls say, how to bullshit your way through life, and how to use a cassette player. He'd said he'd hook me up with one of his friends." I laughed a bit. "Damn, you failed. Ronnie, up your game. But it's chill, I've got friends, you can rest in your grave all soundly now that I'm not lonely."
"Did he only teach you bad things?" Jacky wondered.
"No." I said after thinking. "He taught me how to sing well. When I turned sixteen, he was like twenty five? Yeah. I didn't really have friends. Never have. It was right before he went to prison, though. But he got some alcohol, some cigarettes, invited Max and Monte over, and we just hung out. Got drunk and smoked, I know it was a bad thing, but it was fun."
"What'd you do?"
"We just drank and smoked and listened to music, played games."
"Like what?" Jacky sat on the table.
"I don't remember, I was out of it. I'll ask Max if you really wanna know."
"You don't have to do that."
I sighed. "Can I show you something?"
"Sure."
I pulled up the edge of my skirt. "This."
"Is that a new tattoo?" He got onto the floor and looked at is. "Are those..."
"I found a song he wrote called Coming Home."
"Hold on my dear, I'm coming home." Jacky traced the words. "And there's an astronaut... Wow. He wrote this full song?"
"It looked like it."
"And you tattooed it."
"Yes."
"You really love him, don't you?" Jacky asked, sadness in his eyes.
"Of course I do, he's my brother." I bit my lip, trying not to cry. "I'd still do anything for him, and if that means getting an infinite amount of tattoos for him, if that means becoming the singer of his band, I'd do it in a heartbeat."
"Yeah, I know you would."
"I miss him."
"Me too." Jacky hugged me. "We all do."
"I just... I feel guilty."
"Stop. We've talked about this."
"It's not gonna stop me feeling that, Jacky."
"I know. But we all, the band, we all love you. And Ronnie would not want you moping around and stuff, okay? We don't want you to waste your potential."
"Yeah, but-"
"No, no buts. I don't need you doing this to yourself."
"Your love is not a sin, even if it's hard." I whispered, singing a bit.
"Is that how this would go? The song?"
"At least for that part, I think so."
"It's beautiful." Jacky smiled a bit. "Ronnie would love it."