arrogance [s.m]

thirty-four

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[anya]
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he was sitting opposite me, holding our child, laughs leaving his puffy red lips, he looked so happy. it was a break day, and we ended up at an italian restaurant with the rest of the crew, all happy and jovial, slightly tipsy from the endless amounts of red wine that i can't touch, but crave more than anything to simply get through the night.

it was early july, and we had just arrived in los angeles, ready and eager for the two headlining nights at staples centre, but shawn and i hadn't spoken properly to each other since that night.

granted, we've gone longer without speaking to each other, but this time we have a child, and we're in a relationship - the way that we're going shouldn't be what we should do.

shawn and i probably know that, but we both can't help the comments that slip past our lips every now and then, ones that i know hurt him as much as they hurt me, maybe even more, and vice versa. we haven't been doing good as a couple, and everyone around us knows that, but it kills me because avery's stuck in the middle of it all, without being able to do or say anything.

"anya, grab her, she needs a feed," shawn says bluntly to me, as i nod, standing up from the table, and walking around to his side, easing avery out of his arms, holding her close to my chest, her body feeling warm against my cool stature.

"hey baby," i say, bouncing her slightly, a smile automatically being painted over my lips the minute i see her in my arms. "are you getting hungry bubba?"

"yes she is, that's why i gave her to you. we didn't bring any bottles," shawn mutters, quite lowly, so no one around us hears. my smile falters and i look down at shawn, who has his arms folded, and jaw clenched, looking straight past avery and i.

"can you come with me?" i ask him, not wanting to sit outside the restaurant on my own while i feed avery.

"you brought a jumper with you, didn't you? just do it here," he mumbles, looking down at the table.

"here, i'll come with you," brian butts in, overhearing the conversation between shawn and i. "the cars parked outside, why don't we go there?"

"thank you," i smile thankfully at brian, before picking up my jumper in one hand, and following him outside the restaurant, straight to the tesla they keep whenever they're in la.

"do you want me to talk to him?" brian asks, as i sigh, shaking my head, putting my jumper over avery, pulling up my shirt so she can latch on.

"there's no point," i mumble, looking down at avery.

"have you been getting some sleep?" he asks me gently, as i shrug, looking up with a sad smile on my lips.