The Diary

{1}

Its been too sunny. Though I'm drenched in too many tears to notice. We had to bury my sister today.

Usually, you'd expect some rain or clouds. Maybe the whole atmosphere was supposed to turn grey but it didn't. The grass was too green, the dandelions were more like sunflowers, and the sun made sure to glare anytime you even glanced at the coffin. There was probably a fucking rainbow behind me. And it wasn't fair. It's not fair how everyone could see the fucking rainbow but her.

After the ceremony, I found myself lost in her room. I just looked around. I lied down in her bed and felt something hard against my back. I carefully pull the cover down halfway to see a journal. I looked in it and there were mini sketches. They were amazing. I felt myself crying again. As I was going through the sketches, I saw a drawing of me with "Bff's forever" written below it. When I turned the page, a loose, folded paper fell on my lap.

¨Please help me. I keep hurting the people I love most. I told myself that I would stop, but I keep breaking that promise. I hooked up with a guy and now he's telling everyone. Now I just get called a slut and I can't take this pain anymore. I don't know what I was doing messing around with a 17-year-old. Mom raised me better than this and this all started with one small mistake. I for real can't live like this anymore. Everyone hates me and now I have no one. The one girl who said that she wouldn't leave left. What a great way to celebrate my 16th birthday."

Tears started splattering on the paper. I can't believe she did this. I can't believe I never knew. My sister was having a terrible life and I didn't even know. Every time I was with her, she would always be smiling and be in such a good mood. I ran to my room and locked the door. I unfolded the letter and read the last sentence again.

"What a great way to celebrate my 16th birthday."

Her birthday is next week and I forgot that I got her a gift. I went into my desk drawer and pulled out her half of the big/little sister necklace. I'm 14 and she was 15. I got her a necklace that had a heart with "Big Sister" carved into it. I went to her room and opened her desk drawer and setthe little box with the necklace inside.As I was walking out of her room, I look back and think of all the deep and personal talks she and I had. I finally walk out and just sit in my room. I started laying down feeling myself doze off and the next thing you know, I fell asleep.

I woke up and checked the time. It was around 10:00, the time I normally go to sleep at. I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I sat down at the dinner table and ate a banana. I tried to think of something that will make me feel at least feel a little better, but nothing worked. I had a great bond with Mally and she was all that I had. She was the perfect sister and my best friend. Sometimes, she was my only friend.

My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. As I was about to get up to answer the door, my mom came down to answer it first. Seconds later my mom walks in with a teen boy trailing behind her. He was short with black hair with a small beard growing. Not too much though. He was actually cute.

"Dani, this is Sean. He wanted to talk to you to see if you were okay." My mom said.

He sits down next to me. My mom was too depressed to question who he was so she went back upstairs. I was just looking down at my hands fidgeting with them. The fact that I didn't know him scared me a little. There was a long silence, but it was interrupted when he started talking.

"I'm sorry about Mally. She was a really great friend of mine." he paused for a second like he didn't know what to say. "We always hung out together and I feel stupid for not even knowing the signs of how she was feeling."

I shot my head up and looked at him. He just lied to me. I know all of Mally's friends and she never had a Shawn as a friend. Did she have a friend I didn't know about? I didn't know what to do or say.

"Can you follow me?" I asked.

"Sure I guess." He replied with a weird look on his face.

I guided him up to Mally's room and walked over to the wall where she had pictures of her and her friends. She looked so happy before, and now to think... I started to feel weak. My legs started trembling. I started to feel tears come up, but I did my best to hold them back.

"Why did you take me here?" he questioned.

I pointed to her wall of friends while looking at him in the eye, "Where are you?"

Before he even opened his mouth, I felt overwhelmed with my sister's memories. I fell on the floor bawling my eyes out. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I immediately pushed him off and stood up.

"How old are you?" was all I asked. It's all I needed.

"Seventeen"

He was it. He was the answer to my main questions:

Who did Mally hook up with?

Why did she take her life?