The Diary

{3}

I was currently in class thinking about Sean. I wasn't thinking about how cute he was, I was thinking about how much of a dirty liar he is. How did Mally even meet him? Why was he in her life? It was 7th period English and we were just doing some silent reading, but I was thinking about why Mally didn't tell me about who he even was. She always told me everything.

The bell snaps me out of my thoughts.¨Now get outa my class.¨ The teacher says, bored at his desk.

I rush to shove the book in my bag, papers smooshing at contact. I zip my bag almost closed, but the zipper gets caught. I ignore it, pulling my back onto my shoulder and dashing out of the door. I ran down the hallways getting to my next class, dodging everyone that was in my way, when my bag fell and everything fell out. I started picking everything up when I saw a pair of hands helping me. I looked up and met with his face.

¨Dani?¨

¨Hey, Sean,¨ I say looking down.

I stand up and he hands me my papers.

He looks at me and asks if I was okay, and I just look up to meet his beautiful piercing light brown eyes... I can't stand looking at him as I start tearing up I move past him walking away as he calls after me really loud and as I get farther away his voice becomes faint.

I make my way to my Geometry class I sit down on my seat and look at the clock waiting for class to be over and go home. When I get home I go to my room and just lie down. I didn't want to think about today. Now that I think about it, I've never actually been to Mally's room. I mean, I've physically been in it, but not in it. I don't know what she has around.

I open the door to her room, the hinges squeak. I walk in and head towards her desk. I sit in the chair and just put my head down, hitting the wood. I shoot my head up, rubbing my forehead.

"FUCK!"

Why the fuck did I just do that?!

I walked over to her closet and opened it, dresses on the left, shirts on the right. Everything was nice and color-coordinated. It was so well organized. She was such a neat freak, you could just tell from a glance at her room. I look at all of her hoodies. She had so many that I couldn't count them all. I look threw them and found her favorite one. It was a black hoodie with her favorite YouTuber's logo on it.

I take the hoodie down and put it on. It was a little big on me. Mally always loved over-sized hoodies. I look in all of her drawers...nothing. That is until I started taking clothes out. Under her perfectly folded clothes, was a book. I take it out and open it to a random page, on the page was her writing and a date at the top. I started flipping through more pages, it was the same on each, though you could see watermarks the farther you went. This was her diary. I didn't even know she had one. I lightly throw the book on the bed to fix the clothes.

"What are you doing?" My mom shows up at the door.

"I was just--"

"Don't mess with Mally's stuff!" She yanked the clothes from my hands, folding them herself. I head towards the diary while her back is turned, stuffing clothes back into the drawers.

"Why not? It's not like she's gonna care."

My mom's face turned furious, she looked like she would've killed me if Mally was still alive. She was going to say something else, but she stopped herself and sighed. She put the clothing she had in her hand in the drawer and sits on the bed with me. I slowly shift the book behind the pillow.

"Sorry that I'm going off on you for something that's not even your fault. I just wish I knew before that she had these thoughts."

"I know bu-"

"Is it my fault? I mean, she was always happy. Am I just a bad mother? I know I always put you guys first before anyone else."

"You're a good m-"

"Am I really a good mom? I don't even ask you guys if you are ok. I just let you live your lives so you guys won't hate me. I give you guys everything you want and I just don't know what else to do anymore."

"Uh-"

"I need to go lie down. Thanks for the talk, Dani. Also, you can come here at any time. Just don't take anything or mess up her room" She gave me a kiss on my forehead and left.

I took the book back out from behind the pillow and just looked at it. I flipped through the pages and found where she last wrote. She wrote in the entire book. I take it and leave her room, closing the door behind me. I go downstairs to leave but look through the little crack of mom's door. She was drinking...again. I walk in, putting the book on the desk next to her tv, and walk to her bed. She was passed out and she just looked lifeless. I pull the blanket to cover the rest of her body, pick up the empty bottles of Hennessy, Rum, and Vodka, and leave, taking the book.

As I'm leaving the house, I go to the house bar and take all of the drinks and put them in a duffle bag. As I'm walking down the sidewalk, not realizing where I was going, I hear someone scream something.

"Little girl!"

I turn around and I see a cop. He ran up to me. The closer he got, the more scared I was. I don't know why, but I've always had a small fear of cops. Mally called it "Popophobia." I smile at the thought but snapped out of it when the cop was standing right in front of me.

"How old are you?" He had the most concerning look.

"15"

"What's in the bag"

"It's everything from my mom's bar at home. My sister died not too long ago and I just found out today that she had started heavily drinking again." I say handing him the bag.

"I'm sorry about that. Thank you for turning this in."

"I didn't really have a choice. You came up to me. I was going to put it somewhere no one was ever going to find it. Now that you're here, you can do something with it. So I'm gonna go to my spot and read my book now"

"Ok. Have a nice day"

"Thanks. You too."

I walk off and go to this secret place Mally and I used to go too if we were both stressed and needed fresh air. I went to the rock we sat on and look at the book in my lap. I slowly turn to the first page and start reading.

06-17-18

Dear Diary...