The Diary

{6}

It was 9:00 p.m and Sean was coming over. I know it’s late, but it’s the only time he can come over. I sit in my room watching Elite for what seemed like an hour and blasted Good Girls by 5SOS, until I heard my phone go off. 

Unknown: It's Sean. I'm here

Me: Just come in. No one's home.  

I hear the door open and footsteps leading up to my room. The door opens and I see Sean. I stand up and he looks at me up and down with a smirk on his face. I looked down and realized I didn't have pants on. Oh my fucking shit! I jump on my bed covering my partially naked self, so now all you could see was my scarlet cheeks and my eyes that just about looked ready to pop out of my head. He sits on the edge of the bed and thankfully says nothing about it. Though the look he was giving me seemed to have said enough.

"How are you?" He brushed his hand through his hair, but it flops back onto his forehead. His hair still looked perfect, his hair always looked perfect.

"I'm okay. You?" I really didn't know what else to say. I didn't really know why he was even here. I mean I had an idea on why he insisted but I...

"I'm okay." He moved a little closer to me giving me cold chills down my spine. His gaze made me uncomfortable as I tried to find anything else to look at. 

I turn to the TV, finding a movie to watch. "How about a chick flick?" Sean asks.

"How about not?” But he snatches the remote out of my hands and puts one one of the worst movies I can ever imagine. The Kissing Booth. Of all cheesy rom-coms this dumbass could’ve picked. He chose the one based off wattpad.

He put the movie on anyway and took the covers and covered himself with it. I don't know how I feel about this. I've never been in the same bed as a guy, let alone sharing a cover. He scoots closer to me and wraps his arm around me, bringing me closer to him. My eyes widen as I slowly try to scoot away but he doesn’t back off. Get your hands off me I swear to God. My heart’s pounding, my hands are sweating, I can feel the heat of his chest. But the warmth was comforting and I just give up, cuddling up next to him. 

Later in the movie, when the whole montage between Elle and Noah happens, I felt Sean’s hand brush against my thigh. Brushes turned into his hand laying too close to comfort. He turns his head to me and I do the same, locking eyes. He leans in and—anna ou—my thought process as his lips meet mine, he grabbed my waist and straddled me on his lap, not breaking the kiss. I started to feel him harden up. 

He lays me down, removing my shirt. He took my hand and placed it in his pants. I moved my hand to the rim of his sweats, pulling them down. I really didn't know how to do anything because this was my first. I don't know if I want this to be completely honest. I'm not gonna lie, this felt amazing, but I don't know if it's right. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Sean say my name. 

"Mally. Do you want to stop? If you don't feel comfortable with this we can stop."

I didn't say anything. I just nodded my head no and crashed my lips back onto his, wrapping my legs around his waist. He pulled back, sitting down and pulling my hands towards him. I was now on top. I kissed him and made my way down to his v-line, leaving small kisses, until I reach his length. I look up at him and he leans in kissing me. I don't know why, but I felt a little more comfortable with what I was about to do. I kiss his tip, then let his length in my mouth. I start bobbing my head up and down slowly, but I can't get the whole thing in. 

I feel Sean's hand push my head further down, making me choke, because I don't have a good gag reflex. I raise my head up and lay down. He spreads my legs and lines himself up with me. He spit on his hand and rubbed his dick with it. He lined himself between my legs. Before he entered, he just asked: 

"Are you sure you want this?"

I nodded my head yes and he thrusted into me. Shit. 

"Ow ow ow ow ow" This actually hurt really bad. I shut my eyes really tight gripping onto the sheets. I opened my eyes when I felt Sean pull out.
"I'm sorry. It's just that-"

"It's your first time?" He looked like he actually cared about me. He stared into my eyes for what seemed like hours, but then I just blurted out something I never thought I would say.

"Let's try this again." I had mixed emotions about saying that. I really wanted to do this, but then I don't know if he's the guy I should be doing it with. 

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you." 

I went up to him, laying him down, aligning myself to him. I slowly push myself in, letting out a loud moan, shutting my eyes. I feel Sean grab my waist and he flipped me over, now being bottom. He started thrusting into me faster.

"Fuck." Sean's voice was filled with lust. I loved it. I wanted more. It's still shocking to me. How I ended up meeting a guy who would actually want to hang out, let alone have sex with. 

A few minutes later, he pulls out and came all over my stomach. He collapsed need to me and wrapped his arm around me. We were cuddling and it felt right. I felt myself drifting to sleep, but then I hear Sean talking. 

"Mally I know you're probably asleep right now, but I wanted to let you know that I love you. Not because of the moment we just had. It was great, but I want to be with you. Not just to have sex, but to make you happy. You're beautiful and I hope that someday I would be your boyfriend." He then places a kiss on top of my head and I fell asleep.