The World Inside My Mind

you either fizzle or you burn

There are two types of in love.
Slow, romantic dances
and
moonlite walks
and
'no you hang up'
and before that
'no you ask me out'.
Fizzling and excitement
For the next time you meet.
Quiet admiration
and
sighs
And someone
you would do anything
for
in a heartbeat.
Soft songs
play on repeat
and you can't help
but smile at the thought of them.
This love is rare
but
so special it last
for months.
This love doesn't flood your mind,
It just trickles
into everything
you do.
Every single thing
you think about
revolves around them
And it isn't desperate.
It's soft.
And happy.
It's the happiest kind of love.
It doesn't cry,
it doesn't scream.
It smiles
and it sighs.
This love fizzles out over time,
But this love
doesn't let you think about that.
This love
is
summer love.
As the sun peeks out
from behind the clouds
it melts your heart
until everything you are
is a puddle on the floor
around
them.
Sometimes
doubt slips into this love.
How do I do this?
What do I say?
But soon
this love gently takes those thoughts away.
Because
if someone loves you back
this way
then
they won't care
that you're winging it.
Because
so are
they.

Or

A frantic frenzy of love that's passion and fire and can't be stopped. This love burns down buildings and hearts and this love cries at night. This love dreams at night and laughs at night because late night talking and sometimes flirting and always loving is this love. It's desperate and screaming and you can laugh about it but inside you know you're hurting and the pain is growing with every second and every glance and every smile and every touch and every single thing they do and all their phrases and the way they tease you and the way they grab your wrist while you pretend to play fight when really you're flirting and you can't help but soften when they fall and burn again when they laugh it off after you ask them if they're okay. And this love only ever ends because of rejection. Breakup or a no. This love never fades out. This love flies up and bursts like a firework when the lover can't hold it all in anymore. Because it expands and it grows and soon it slips out of eyes and mouths and lips and hands. Because body language and sliding eyes and disappointed sighs give all the answers away. You can't fall out of this love. You get pushed.

I've experienced both types of love. I've been pushed, and I've pushed myself. I've watched it slowly fizzle out and die as the person I thought I loved turned the relationship into the firey kind of love. I've watched other people love. But there's only one person I want to watch love right now. Is he smiling at the thought of me? Because I am of him. And I would like more than anything to share our smiles with each other, instead of hiding them behind closed doors.