MY WAY HOME ◆ Steve McGarrett ◆ Hawaii Five-0

SIXTEEN

I was standing behind kitchen island making banana smoothie for breakfast. And coffee, of course.
I smiled as Steve walked dowstairs only wearing his navy blue sweatpants. His hair was still messy.
He smiled at me when he saw me looking at him, "Morning."
"Hi."
He came to stand next to me and put his hand on my lower back, leaning in for a kiss. I lifted my head to meet him. When our lips touched I could feel fireworks running through my spine even though there was still tension between us.

He leaned with his back on the island, crossing his arms on his chest and watched me as I added handful of ice cubes into the blender. He wasn't wearing any top so I could see the tattoo on his bicep. One of many things I loved on him.
I poured the creamy liquid into two glasses and walked outside. The sun was already high on the sky but the temperature was still human. Steve grabbed his sleeveless top from the couch and put it on before he joined me at the table.

The sound of waves coming to the shore filled my ears as I watched Steve as he brought the glass to his lips and took small sip. I was watching him closely. Trying to figure out what he was thinking, how he was feeling, what was going on in the big head of his. I knew today would either bring us closer or we could very well drift apart and break up. But most of all I was waiting for his apology.
He put his glass to his lap. "I didn't mean what I said before I left and I'm so sorry I left without saying goodbye."
He wasn't looking at me. His eyes were glued to the glass and then he looked at the ocean.

"How is your mother?" I asked him.
"She's safe now. We were able to locate her and with the help of Catherine's team on the ground get her and Yao out of there," he finally looked at me, "I know how it must have felt with Catherine being here..."
I jumped into his words before he was able to finish, "Forget Catherine! She's not the problem here. I know that you're sorry but the way you left Steve," I stopped to take deep breath, "the way you left made me question what we have. It's happening so quickly and then in one moment it was almost gone. I didn't know what to do after you left. I realized I don't know you all that well actually. Did it mean I should leave or did you want me to stay. And I felt lonely here..."

"Of course I want you to stay!" he said as he stood up from his chair and kneeled next to me, taking my hands into his.
"I wanted you here with me since the first time I saw you on that plane and I'll always want you here no matter what stupid things I'll say in the future, this is your place now too."
"That's actually really sweet from you to say that," my emotions were all over the place.
"I love you Sami. And I knew that what I said to you and how I left was wrong from the moment I sat in the car but I couldn't come back and apologize."
"Why not?"
"Because I knew that if I came back and you'd have looked at me and told me one more time you didn't want me to go I wouldn't have the strength to leave anymore. But you have to understand that I needed to. She is my mother. But I need you to know," he looked in the ground before his eyes met mine, "I need you to know that I wanna be your everything.
I don't know if it'll be enough but if you let me, I'll try my best. I swear."
He just told me that he was all in and I saw in his eyes that he was genuine about it.
I smiled at him. I knew that his heart was pure but sometimes his life had complications and I'd have to let him deal with them. I knew that I'd have to let him go sometimes in order for him to come back to me again. But I wasn't sure I was strong enough to do that.

"But I was so worried!" I leaned towards him and grabbed him around his neck. He wrapped me into his arms. I wasn't crying yet but I needed to feel his body to know he was OK.
"I know I get that," he kept me in his arms little longer before he pulled away. "But this is my job. This is what i do. And if we want to have a future, you need to start trusting me that I know what I'm doing."
"So you want me to get used to the fact that sometimes you go wilingly into situations in which you're risking your life?"
He nodded, "I think that's the only option."
"I don't think I can do that Steve. You don't know how much it hurts when you're gone. The worry tears me apart."
Now tears started to fill my eyes.
"You have no idea how painful it is when you don't know if someone you love will come back alive or in body bag. Everytime my phone rang I was thinking it was Danny calling me that you got shot. And I don't wanna live like that. I don't think I can."
I looked at him.
"What are you saying Sami?" He asked still kneeling next to my chair.
"Can't you do something else?"
It was out. The though I was thinking since I read online about Five-0 for the first time.
"Sami!" he looked at me desperately.