Patchworked Hearts {SAMPLE}

Chapter 1

Dear Ticker Tinkerer,

I never thought I'd be writing into an advice column, but here we are! I'm not totally sure how to do this, so I apologize if my writing isn't appropriate or clear.

Let me go ahead and get it out: My husband of six years broke the news to me several days ago that eh doesn't want children. I suppose this wouldn't be a huge deal, if not for the fact that we had the "children" conversation a year into dating, and he told me at the time that he wanted four kids.

I feel blindsided and a bit betrayed, if I'm being honest. Children are really important to me, and I thought they were to him too.

So, where do I go from here? I want kids—I've always wanted kids, and he knew (and knows) that. I don't want to be rash, but should I consider leaving him and trying with someone else, or should I try to change his mind?

Please advise.

Sincerely,

Kid-Craver

***

Dear Kid-Craver,

Glad you reached out! Remember: There is no shame in asking for someone else's opinion, even if they're an anonymous individual who writes an advice column (we're all friends here, I promise, so no judgement).

As for your situation . . . Wow. I'm sorry; I can only imagine how confused and torn you must feel. Let's delve in and see if we can sort out those emotions and form a plan of action, shall we?

You have every right to feel caught off guard and betrayed. When someone we trust tells us important information such as their thoughts on children, we expect them to stick with their first opinions, especially if they know and respect ours. However, we have to remember that thoughts and feelings are subject to change, which is why honest communication between couples is so critical.

On your husband's part, it's clear that something's going on there. I don't condone telling your partner one thing and then going back on it later, but I suspect there's more to the story. Perhaps he's scared of being a bad father? (A bad past, maybe?) Or he's simply placed it into consideration and decided that he's not fond of children? Finances might also be a concern.

Whatever the reason, I don't think you should leave him—at least, not so quickly. Before doing something abrupt, sit down and have an open conversation with him. Wait until your feelings are under control, though. A topic as important as this one needs to be discussed without emotions getting in the way and making the situation worse, as hard as keeping it neutral may be.

See where you can compromise, too. Do you have to have children? Could becoming a foster family be a suitable "meet-in-the-middle," since it's not the same commitment but still provides parental roles? Are fur babies your only option? Questions along these lines might help set boundaries and clear up where you both stand on the subject.

If you can't find any common ground, you might want to step back and reevaluate your relationship. As you know, I never support breakups unless the relationship is unhealthy or shows no signs of working, and it sounds like you two have been together a long time. Is he the love of your life? Would you be alright having children if he's not in the picture, or do you only want them with him?