id like to formally apologize to avery & anyone who likes him, hes my emotional stress relief
ohlawdhescomin im tagging you cuz its only sad in the beginning
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I.
Sometimes it was hard.
'I'm sorry,' Avery sobs, clutching and grabbing at Kross desperately because the ground had crumbled beneath his feet, but what he'll really mean is 'I'm sorry I have to put you through this. I'm sorry all thats left of me is jagged and rough and fractured. You deserve better.'
It will hurt.
Nails in his chest. 'Don't be,' Kross whispers, holding him close even though its never close enough, but what he means is 'I'm sorry any of this ever happened to you. You deserved so much better.'
II.
Sometimes it was empty.
When Avery slips out of bed, nightmares screaming in his head, and he doesn't wake Kross up because its two in the morning, he'll be thinking 'Please stay asleep. Don't worry about me, don't see me like this. I won't feel it anymore in the morning.'
It will feel cold.
Empty on that side of the bed, nothing in his arms, and Kross will wake up to find him– kiss his forehead and hug him, lure him back to bed, and think 'I want nothing more than to make you feel loved the way you deserve.'
III.
Sometimes it was easy.
'I love you,' Avery whispers, sunlight on his skin, fingers on his back and a fullness in his heart that he had never known before, but what he'll really mean is 'I wish I knew how to tell you everything I think when I'm with you. Saying thank you would never be enough, even if I said it a million times.'
It will feel like breathing.
Second nature when Kross whispers, 'I love you too,' pressing his lips to Avery's forehead, soft and lazy with his eyes closed, but what he means is, 'How did I live without you in my life all this time? There isn't enough time in the world to tell you how much you mean to me.'
IV.
Sometimes it was love.
When Avery says nothing, but rests his head on Kross's shoulder, their fingers laced together, and Avery doesn't flinch when Kross raises a hand to push hair out of his eyes– I trust you, I love you, I trust you, I love you.
When Kross puts the kettle on, and somehow manages to always make Avery's tea as sweet as he secretly likes it, like melted sugar and flowers– I could write books about you, but I'll still never know enough about you.
When Avery laughs and its too loud but it sounds like home, and Kross has to slip his fingers through Avery's to remember that this is real– you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
