The Fragmented Luna

To Hell's House we Go

"And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul", ~ John Muir

I looked back to where I had started my journey and saw an array of colors spanning across the sky. As the sun was setting in the east everything looked bright and hopeful. Then I looked forward to where I was heading and saw dark clouds rolling in. As the moon was rising in the west everything looked dismal and foreboding. In the middle of all that stood the forest trees which were swaying in the night breeze.   

The large swaying trees, and their greedy branches thriving above me, took up all the light the sun had to offer. As the larger trees absorbed all the sunlight the plants sprouting from the ground fought for survival. I saw my feet sweeping across the mossy terrain as I was pulled further into the forest. I wished I could capture this precarious balance between life and death I saw in the nature here. It was a long way from home but it was somewhere I could grow to love.

We walked for what felt like miles towards the darker clouds in the west. It was clear by the crunch of leaves underneath my feet that those warm summer days were over. I reached up to my cheek confused by the lack of pain from my scar. Surely the throbbing sensation which I had felt so severely, only a short while ago, was not a thing of my imagination. As my friends trailed behind me I couldn't help but wonder the reason I was heading this way.

"We've been walking forever but we've just been going in circles. Do you even know where you are going", Ian complained as he wiped a bunch of sweat from his forehead. The air was very thick here so it felt like the forest was suffocating all those who entered. "Listen Rowen. I'd hate to say it but you're lost", Ian said while shaking his head. I knew everyone was following my lead but he was right we were lost.

As I was stepping over the roots of a looming sequoia tree my face nearly hit into the muddy ground. I dug my palms into the earth to stop myself from landing face first into the mud. As my hands filled with the wet dirt I wanted to give up right there. I wanted to rest my face on the ground and let hopelessness sweep me away into oblivion.

"You look like you need some help", Nixon said interrupting my dreadful train of thought. I looked up into the direction of the clouds to see that Nixon was holding out his hand. A feeling of deja vu passed through me as I grasped his hand to stand steadily. It sent a shiver down my spine as I felt the hazy edges of a memory forming. 

"Thanks", I muttered in a tone drained of emotion. In this particular memory it was Skylar with her hand stretched outwards to me. She was pointing with her arm to the very top of the forest frantically. "I think we should head up there", I muttered in a ghostly tone. My feet began moving forward of their own accord propelled by the vivid memory on the edge of my mind. 

All of a sudden I was transported into another time where the sun was shining brightly on my head. I had tripped on some twigs under my feet but the ground was dry. As a result of tripping I had scraped my knees open so that blood had started to come out. It didn't hurt; this pain was nothing compared to some of the treatment I had received on a normal basis. I recalled now that I had ran away from my parents. They had been arguing over his most recent 'accident' which had caused me to end up with a bruised eye. 

'You look like you need some help', Skylar said as she held out her hand. I accepted the hand she held but didn't meet her gaze on the way up. 'Want to talk about it', she asked in a cheery tone. No one at home spoke so brightly because daddy made sure everyone was miserable when he was around. 

'Mommy and daddy are fighting again. I don't like it when daddy screams', I said as I twirled the ends of my fraying shirt nervously. I kept watching my feet unable to meet her gaze because I was afraid to let her see. 'I have to go back or else mommy will be sad', I said as hot tears fell down my face. I wiped my eyes onto the shirt I was wearing lifting my head up to face her. I heard Skylar gasp as she spotted the giant bruise that was across my eye from being hit in the face earlier. 

'I know you. You spend a lot of time over the Smiths house. My cousin Nixon lives with them and my best friend lives there', she said as she recognized my face. '' Skylar said as she held my hand softly. I could see pity in her eyes as she took in my appearance. I was wearing tattered clothes because it was all my mother could give me. My father always made her give him all his money so he could spend it on alcohol. I also probably smelled really yucky because I didn't get to shower a lot. If we weren't meeting other families my dad didn't care if I was clothed or showered. 

'I have to get going but see up there' she said as she pointed towards an elm tree up ahead. 'There's a clearing up there where I spend all of my time there. Meet me here next week. You can bring your mom too. Its my special place. You can use it whenever you like', she said with a smile on her face. I was brought back by a voice speaking at my frozen frame.

"Rowen, you have to come back", Nixon said as he shook my frozen frame with worry etched onto his face. I looked into his eyes with wonder at having remembered something so vividly. "You looked like you saw a ghost Rowen. I don't understand it. You were standing here but your mind had left your body", Nixon said as he held my cold arms in his warm grasp. 

"I remember Skylar", I told Nixon. Nixon's eyes shot up to mine as he searched my face for answers. "She wanted me to go to a clearing she spent a lot her time in. My face was bruised because my father had beaten me that morning", I recalled in a sad tone. I felt disturbed about the fact that my father was not a good person. I remembered him on my birthday as we blew out my birthday candles with a bunch of people around smiling happily. It seemed so surreal compared to the father who would beat his child for no reason. 

"What clearing are you talking about? Skylar never spent time in a clearing. She would have told me about it", Ian asked as he huffed from behind me. I didn't respond to the skepticism in his voice because something was right there. If I just moved my feet a little bit quicker over the mossy stones ahead I might find answers. I moved lankly across the forest as if I had walked the path a hundred times. 

"It's just up there. If you walk past the elm tree you will be able to see it", I said in a bewildered tone. It didn't make sense to me that my mind could recall the clearing when my memories were not complete. It was like the spirit of the forest was whispering sweet words into my ear as I was pulled deeper into its' open arms.  Everyone had to run to keep up with me as I made my way towards the big elm tree. I held the edge of the elm tree looking out over the hill towards a paradise of flowers. 

"Wow", Valerie said as she ran into the flowers gleefully. I watched her and Ian playing in the fields as the nearly full moon twinkled over their heads. The rainstorm that was lingering in the distance surprisingly stayed far away from us. I had never seen a storm remain in one place for a consistent period of time. It was spooky the way the dark clouds rumbled in the distance but here the air was comforting. 

"Hey, take my hand. I promise I won't leave your side", Nixon said as he intertwined our fingers together. I felt that familiar shock of desire run through my body like an electrical current. I gripped his hand tightly to come down from the elm tree to the clearing. I sat under the stars watching the moon as butterflies fluttered onto the flowers. I stiffened in Nixon's arms as he pressed a kiss against my hair tenderly. "Beautiful", he said as his fingers brushed across my ear. Even if it was only a moment I had been filled with a peacefulness I never expected to feel.