paranormal

0.8 | SCARS

(Listen to the music while reading. I'll be adding more instrumentals into the story.)

Music: "Flowers" by Bob Bradley and Thomas Balmforth

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS SOME MILD CONTENT OF SELF-HARM. IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE WITH THESE KIND OF THINGS, I SUGGEST YOU NOT TO READ.

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Tears welled up in my eyes and my hands started shaking as I read the letters. I started hiccupping silently. Jaemin went through so much pain, I thought. He was wearing a mask this entire time. He wore a mask of a tough man, but he was actually shattering on the inside.

Shattering on the inside, I thought. How painful is it to just pretend like you're fine but you're actually breaking apart? How long did Jaemin wear that mask? How long did Jaemin lie? How desperate was he to find his friends and smile again? How depressed was he that he started writing letters to his long-gone friends?

The door opened. When I looked up, I saw Jaemin. He looked at me with eyes of horror as he realized what I was doing.

"What are you doing?" He asked quietly.

"Why did you do this?" I asked, barely audible. "Why did you hold it in for so long?"

Jaemin's lip trembled. "I just want to solve the case," He replied, clearly trying to change the subject. "Let's go. I just finished talking with-"

I grabbed his arm. It was humid and sticky outside, yet he was still wearing a sweater...

I rolled up his sleeve. "W-What are you doing?" He shouted, trying to pull back. I was too fast for him. When I rolled up his sleeve all the way, I saw visible, long scars. There were multiple. Some looked faint, but some looked fresh and red.

Jaemin took his arm back. He rolled his sleeve back down. "Stop it, Narae. I'm fine. Let's keep going. I don't do that anymore."

Tears streaked down my face. "You don't do that anymore? You don't do that anymore? Jaemin, when was this? What were you even thinking that you would let yourself shed blood? Your innocent blood! You didn't do anything wrong, Jaemin! There's no reason for you to...kill yourself..." My voice faltered.

Jaemin looked at me with misty eyes. "If I ended my life, I would've gone up into the clouds and spend the rest of eternity with my friends, like how it used to be...until the stupid 1:27 came and decided to ruin my entire life like that! Boom! My life crumbled! I had everything: family, friends, a functioning home, education, happiness! I was happy here! If it weren't for those terrorists, I wouldn't have to solve this stupid case and cry myself to sleep! Do you know how much pain I was in before you came? I was broken, Narae! I never left the house, but the chief wanted me to gather clues, so I had to leave and pass by Jeno's house! I fainted on the streets, Narae! I fainted! I fainted at the sight of my friends' broken, abandoned houses! That's how bad it was!"

Tears filled his eyes. He walked over to me and buried his face into my shoulder and my hair. "I had...no one..." He whispered in between choked cries.

"How do you know that they're not alive? They could be somewhere in the country, waiting for you, Jaemin. It's our job to go save the innocent and put an end to villains. That's what the police force is for."

Jaemin stayed silent.

"Let me look at your arms," I told him. "I need to tell you something."

Jaemin looked at me from crying on my shoulder. He rolled up his sleeves reluctantly.

I sat him down on his bedside and pointed to the oldest-looking scar. "Why did you cut here?"

Jaemin fidgeted. "That was when I wrote a letter to Mark hyung. I felt like it was my fault Mark hyung was gone. I felt like one scar represented the pain one friend went through."

I pointed to another scar. "I'm going to point to each scar. You tell me the person you cut it for."

"That scar was Haechan."

I pointed.

"Jeno."

I pointed.

"Renjun."

I pointed.

"Chenle."

I pointed.

"Jisung."

I pointed to the freshest scar. It was bright red, as if he cut it recently. Tears were still falling down my face. "Who's this?"

Jaemin burst into tears. Through hiccups, he managed to squeak out, "You."

Tears were coming down like an avalanche. "...W-why would you c-cut yourself...because of me...?"

"B-because...I knew that I was going to lose you, too...so...I cut myself in advance so that I can protect you before it happens. These scars...are telling me that I have to protect."

I pulled Jaemin into a hug. "J-Jaemin...I'm not going to disappear anywhere, okay? So don't you dare cut yourself ever again, okay?" My voice was cracking as my crying was unstoppable. "You don't deserve any pain, you went through enough already...don't you dare self-harm yourself again! Please Jaemin, don't..."

Jaemin rested his head against my shoulder again. "I'm sorry...I felt so dead, so worthless, so hollow. I can't risk letting you die first. I'll never live again if that happens. I'll never be able to live with myself for that..."

I looked at Jaemin square in the eye. "I'm not going to die, okay? We are going to solve this case and find your friends. We're going to make you happy again so that you don't have to scar yourself for other people."

Jaemin nodded and squeezed his arms around me, covering his scars and bawling.

We rested our heads against each others' shoulders and I comforted him, because he was the one that needed it most.