~Stokeleys pov
Jahsehs been having a lot of nightmares so the other day I got him to agree to therapy
He set up to an appointment and today we're going together, he said he'd only go if I went
He don't like to talk about it, so hopefully he'll talk about it In therapy
"Ready babe?"
"Not really but let's go" he sighs
I know he doesn't want to go but he's going too anyways Because I asked him to try and get better
-time skip, just arrived at therapy
Maybe I should set up an appointment for myself also, talk about shit I never have before
I've also been struggling a bit
My dad being gone hit me, when he was alive it was easy to be mad at him because the opportunity to talk to him was always there
But now it's gone
Me and Jahseh walked in the place and signed in
Then we sat down to wait
"What if I go in there and I don't want to talk?"
"Then you don't have to talk jah, she can't make you talk about anything" I say placing my hand on his leg
"Thank you for coming with me" he smiles at me
"I'll come with anytime you want me too but are you sure you want me to go in there with you?" I ask
"Yeah I don't want to be in there alone"
Shortly after, the therapist came out and called Jahsehs name
we stood up and went in the room
"Hi Jahseh, I'm linda nice to meet you" she says to Jahseh "and who is this?" She looks at me smiling
"That's Stokeley my boyfriend" Jahseh answered
I smiled and waved at her sitting down in the chair next to Jahseh
She began asking him a bunch of questions
Things about his childhood, relationship with his parents and family members
Just trying to get to know him I guess
I just looked around the room thinking
I'm going to go back to my moms soon, and talk to her about everything with m dad
She loved him and I know she's effected by it
Me not so much but it still hurts
I looked forward to the phone calls every once in a while I wish they would've happened more often then they did
I should've tried harder to make the phone calls a daily thing, I should've wrote letters back to him
I keep all the letters he sent me in a box, sitting in my closet at my moms
Most of them un opened I think it's time I finally open the letters
I also think I'm going to write one back, even though I'll never be able to send it and he'll never be able to read it
Jahseh and the therapist talked back and forth
Avoiding the topic of what traumatic thing happened that made him need therapy
Baby steps though, first baby step was getting him to actually come here
I pulled my phone out and texted my mom
I told her that I wanted to come spend the day with her again soon, make dinner and just hang out like we used to
before she became a drunk, when I was younger
She agreed that it'd be fun
"I think that we are done for the day, only if there's nothing else you'd like to talk about right now" she says to Jahseh
"Well um, there is one thing I've been having these nightmares that keep me awake all night" he responds, looks over at me then back at the lady
"Nightmares about what?"
"Just recently I was raped, and the guy that was doing it killed him self so he can't do it anymore but I still have nightmares about him raping me"
He lied, Melly didn't kill himself I killed that fuck nigga but we can't go around sharing that information with everyone otherwise Jahseh better start looking for a new boyfriend
"Reality is some powerful stuff, you're safe now you've got to believe that and feel safe, you've got to accept what's happened and then the reality of him being gone before the nightmares stop" she says as she writes something down
Jahseh nodded looking at her, seeming interested in what she was saying.
"Have you talked about it? Like how it made you feel and things like that with anyone?" Stops writing and looks up at him
He shook his head no
"You should, even if it's not with me you should talk about it with someone you're close to like your boyfriend or a bestfriend. Talk about how you felt around him, and in the moments that made you feel frightened. Talking about it is good"
"Talking about it is good" Jahseh repeats
The therapist nodded
"Okay thank you, I'm ready to go for today" he says looking over at me
"Make your next appointment at the front desk, come back in a week"
Me and Jahseh got up, leaving the room
We went to the friends desk and set up his next appointment then left
"Thank you for making me come stokes" jahseh smiled at me
"Feel better already?"
"Kind of, I'll probably feel better when I finally talk about it like she said"
"If you want to talk about it with me, I'm here" i opened his car door letting him inside the car
Went around to my side and got in
"He made me feel powerless, he made me feel small
He told me I was worthless and one day you'd realize that and leave me and I believed him
He told me I liked and deserved everything he did to me so much that i actually believed I deserved to feel the pain, to feel frightened and weak" he said in a shaky voice
"Everytime he came around I felt like I couldn't breathe or move being around him felt just as suffocating as being stuck under him while he touched me in ways I didn't want him touching me" he paused for a moment
I didn't start the car, I just sat there letting him talk Because this is the first time he's openly talked to me about it like this
"I wanted to badly to tell you but he made me think you'd think I cheated on you and I really thought you'd leave me all alone and he'd hurt me for telling anyone then he'd hurt you and our friends the main thing he made me feel was scared"
I felt like crying for him
"Oh jah I'm so sorry baby"
"I was mad at you for not helping me but if I wouldn't tell you there's no way you could've known and I'm not mad anymore I'm thankful that when you did find out you saved me" he wiped away tears and then looked Away
"I'm done talking now, let's go home" he says
I'm proud of him, so proud he's just started therapy and he's already talking about it
I guess therapy really does work
*** I was eating while I wrote this so excuse any typos 😭
