Head Above Water

Chapter Eight

Lilith wandered through the trees, taking her time to reach the river.  She had been taking time throughout the previous nights to write everything that's been happening to her recently.  She figured that it might help when the day finally comes that she decides to tell someone.  

She tried her best to mentally prepare herself, but she never knew what to expect coming to the river.  Of course, she knew that Beck had died, but she wasn't sure of any details that she wanted to know or that she was going to learn about against her will. 

As the water came into view, Lilith paced over towards the rocks.  She sat in their usual spot, not caring that the water was splashing up higher than usual.  Lilith slipped off her sandals, resting them behind her before rolling up her pants.  She took the silent moments to just focus on the water, more specifically on the other side.  That was where she guessed he did it.  Her gaze lifted to the woods on the other side as she tried to spot a house through the trees.  How close was the river to his house?  Close enough that his family could've easily walked down and seen him?

Just as Lilith was squinting at the trees across the way, Beck came wandering out of them.  Lilith jumped in her seat, still not entirely understanding how he can just show up out of nowhere.  

"Woah, calm down.  It's just me," Beck chuckled as he walked through the shallow part of the river, over rocks and such.

Lilith rolled her eyes, "Sorry, I'm still not used to it."  Beck nodded, taking a seat next to her.  She turned to face Beck, "How are you doing?"

Beck smiled before turning his head to see Lilith watching his eyes, "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

She shrugged, "I guess? I just feel like I need to ask you, it makes this seem more real."

"So, how are you?" Beck watched as Lilith shook her head unknowingly, struggling with her words.

"I don't know.  I think I'm okay, but I just feel off, you know?  Like, this is all so crazy to me, and I'm trying to understand it and feel better, but my mind isn't wrapping around it.  I know I shouldn't feel perfectly fine, I know it's going to take time, but I should feel something.  Right now, I just feel empty and confused.  It's like I'm numb as if I'm at the dentist and I know they're drilling holes into my mouth but I can't feel it.  I know the feeling is there, it's just not fully there.  Is any of my rambling making sense?"  She laughed quietly to herself, running her hand through her hair in frustration.

He smiled sincerely, nodding, "Actually, yeah.  I get what you mean, I've been there."

"And that scares me, honestly.  What if you can't help me?  What if I end up doing what you did and we're both just stuck here waiting for another helpless soul to show up wanting to kill themselves?"  Lilith frowned down at her feet, the water splashing up at her ankles.

Beck rested a hand on her knee, "That's not going to happen, okay?  You have something I didn't have, a friend to talk to.  I may be dead, but I'm not going to just leave you and let you kill yourself right in front of me."

She shook her head, "Can I just ask you some more questions?  They've been on my mind for the last couple of days."  Beck nodded, taking his hand off her knee and placing it in his lap again.  Lilith sighed before asking, "Who found you after you died?"

Beck sat in thought for a moment before having a confused look on his face, "You know, I'm not sure.  You see, here, at this part of the river, was where I officially died.  That means this was where I separated from my body, I guess, and where I'm now stuck.  After a little while though, my body floated down the river and I'm guessing it was found either further down or even at the lake where the river flows in to."

Lilith bit at the inside of her cheek, "Were you worried that maybe your mom or brother would've found you?  Or maybe even follow in your steps?"

"That was always a concern of mine, ever since I started having those dark thoughts anyways.  But when that day came, all my worries just were gone.  The only thing on my mind was getting away from my problems, no matter the cost.  But now that it's happened, one of my biggest and most constant worries was that maybe they did follow in my footsteps, but I'd never get to know.  I would've never known what happened afterward, unless they did it here, which thankfully didn't happen.  But I'd just have to live in this stupid in-between world in a constant state of worry."  Beck smiled over at Lilith once more, "Then you came along, and you've helped calm my worries about that.  Thank you for that, by the way."

She shrugged, giving a small smile.  "No problem.  I actually ran into your mother again when I went to the mall the other day.  I even got to meet your brother."

Beck's face lifted in hope when he heard his brother, "How's Toby doing?  Does he look good or still a little dork?"

Lilith and Beck shared a soft laugh, "Well, he seems to be doing alright.  He's very aggressively protective when it comes to your mom though."

"Oh?  Did he hurt you or something?" Beck's eyes grew concerned.  Lilith quickly shook her head, putting a stop to any questions Beck would've had.

"No, not at all.  He just was rough when he pulled me away.  The whole situation with me showing up asking to see you got him all worked up, thinking someone is trying to mess with your mom."  Beck nodded, calming down slightly.  Lilith faced Beck some more, "Toby actually looks a lot like you, but broader shoulders and a little more built, you know?  Like maybe he's an athlete of some sorts, or maybe just eats more protein.  I don't know, but he has the same hair and eyes.  It's crazy how similar you two look."

Beck smiled down at his hands for a moment before looking back at Lilith, "That's really good to hear.  I hope they're okay, I didn't mean to hurt them."

Lilith placed her hand on his shoulder, "I know."  They shared a moment of silence before she patted him on the shoulder where her hand was previously laying.  "I should probably get going, it's starting to get late."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea.  Get some rest, please?" He stood up along with Lilith, holding her steady as she slipped her sandals back on.  She nodded, giving him a shy smile.  "I'll see you soon."  

He walked around her, disappearing in seconds as he was out of her sight.  She turned around, feeling alone once more after realizing he was gone again.  "Bye."

Lilith began her walk back home, deciding to take the long way around as to not raise suspicion but also to just have some extra time alone.  She walked slowly, kicking rocks and sticks as she went.  As she emerged from the trees and back onto the main road, Lilith found herself blinded by headlights.  She squinted her eyes, turning her head away from looking directly into the lights.  The car quickly zoomed past and Lilith was able to open her eyes fully once more.  After being surprised with those bright lights, it only made her realize just how dark it was getting.

She must've been out for longer than she was expecting, but the lights on the end of their driveway helped her feel safer being out in the dark.  When a car suddenly pulled up beside her, going slower than she'd like, her feeling of safety quickly vanished.  Her heartbeat started racing as she took a few extra steps away from the road, mentally preparing herself to start sprinting.  Even though she wasn't actually jogging when she said she would, she felt fit enough to outrun this random car if needed.

The passenger side window rolled down, and while she wanted to let out the breath she was holding in, she still couldn't.  

Toby brought the car to a full stop as Lilith paused in place as well.  He leaned over the middle console, getting a better view of Lilith through the window.  "Midnight stroll?"  Lilith gave a quick shrug of the shoulder while crossing her arms in front of her chest, suddenly feeling insecure.  Toby nodded once, getting right to the important questions.  

"In the woods?"

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i wanna be inspired again so i can write like 7 more chapters of this in one night, that's all i want