Head Above Water

Chapter Twenty Five

"It's okay to be sad, Lilith, stop forcing yourself to feel something you're not."

Lilith's head popped up at the sound of an unexpected, yet very familiar voice. She frantically turned her head back and forth, searching for someone who wasn't there. She clutched her legs closer, letting her eyes shut as she whispered to herself, "It's all in your head. Nobody is here. You're alone."

"You're never alone, Lilith," the voice spoke again.

Her head shot up once more as she grabbed the door handle to pull her body off the ground. Lilith still couldn't spot anyone in her bedroom. She was far too afraid to go and search for someone, so she decided to stick with the talking route. "I'll start screaming. Get out of my room."

"I'm not in your room," the voice was calming, despite the situation, making Lilith think of one specific dead guy.

"Beck? Is that you?" She heard his soft chuckle ringing through her ears. Lilith took a step away from the door towards the middle of her room. "Why can't I see you?"

Lilith sat on the end of her bed, looking around and waiting for him to appear. "You can't see me, but I can see you. I am in your head in a way, you're the only one that can hear me."

"I'm getting more insane every day," Lilith gently massaged her temples, feeling a stress headache coming on. "Wait, have you been watching me this whole time?"

Beck took a moment to respond, "For a few days now."

Lilith nodded slowly, beginning to realize what that could mean. "Oh my god, even when I'm in the bathroom?" She began to cross her arms over her chest, looking up to her ceiling as if Beck would be looking down at her from there.

"I assume you want the truth?" Lilith's jaw dropped as she grabbed the nearest blanket and threw it around her shoulders. She felt violated, yet intrigued that this had been going on for a few days. Beck went on, "I'm just saying, Toby would be a lucky guy if you two end up together."

She rolled her eyes, tightening her grip on the blanket. "Oh my god, you're disgusting."

Beck's laugh echoed throughout her room, "Relax, I'm dead. It's only my opinion. I can't do anything, anyways. Think of it as a compliment."

Lilith furrowed her eyebrows, remembering the scarring event that happened at the river. "Speaking of dead, why the hell did you try to kill me yesterday?" There was a minute of complete silence as she waited for an answer, tapping her foot in annoyance.

"I didn't try to kill you, Lilith. I was showing you what it's like to die, specifically how it had happened for me." Beck went back to being silent as Lilith began to rant.

"So, what would have happened if Toby never came back? Who would've pulled me out of the water, made sure I was breathing, and bring me back to reality? Why would you have even let me try to save you in the first place? Why didn't you acknowledge me when I was screaming? You're not winning this argument, Beck, and it'd make me feel a whole lot better," Lilith's voice got lower as she realized what she was saying, "if I could see the person I was talking to."

She shut her eyes tight, bringing her head down, "I'm losing my mind."

Lilith's door cracked open as her younger sister peaked through. Leah gave her a concerned glance, "You good in here?"

Lilith looked up, forcing a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just talking to myself." She spoke slowly, trying to give herself enough time to come up with an excuse but only told Leah the truth.

Leah let herself into the room, even with Lilith preferring to be alone, taking a seat next to her sister. "About what? Is it Toby?" She wiggled her eyebrows and bumped Lilith with a quick shimmy. Lilith bumped her back, rolling her eyes.

"No, not exactly. It's nothing important." Lilith tried to shake it off, but Leah only insisted on knowing more. "It was just this show that Toby made me watch with him, and it just really makes you wonder what could happen next." Lilith watched Leah, trying to figure out if she was believing her excuse. "You know when a show just has the worst cliffhangers? Well, that's practically all this show is."

Leah smirked, "Oh, so he wanted to do a little Netflix and chill action with you, didn't he?" Lilith frowned, causing Leah to raise her hands up guiltily. "I'm kidding, Lilith, calm down. What was this show, it sounds horrible."

Lilith pushed herself off the bed, motioning towards her door. "I will tell you all about it, after I take my nap." Leah tried to plead her into sharing the details, but it wasn't working. "Get out of my room, Leah. Let me, finally, shut my eyes for more than thirty minutes, please." Once Lilith had finally gotten her room back to herself, she crawled under her comforter, glancing up at the ceiling. She pointed up at it, a stern look on her face as she whispered in a hushed tone. "That goes for you too, Beck, so shut it."

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When Lilith woke up from her nap which lasted an hour or so longer than she wanted, she felt lost in her surroundings. She had forgotten where she was for a moment before snapping back into reality. She crawled out of her bed, smoothing down her clothes before heading downstairs to find everyone. She first entered the kitchen, finding her mother and oldest sister. 

"Hey mom, Libby, where are the others?" They both looked up simultaneously, smiling gently.

Her mother nodded towards the back door, "Your father is starting up the grill and everyone else should be playing some volleyball or something."

Libby nodded in agreement, "How was your nap, Lil?"

Lilith stood across from them on the other side of the island, "It was alright. It's been difficult trying to fall asleep, comfortably that is."

The two looked confused but let it go, finishing up their prepping. Their mother wiped her hands on her apron, "Why don't you go play with the others, tire yourself out before you try and sleep again later?"

"Good idea, mom." Lilith definitely wasn't in the mood to play volleyball, but figured it was a better idea than sitting around awkwardly with her parents as they prepared dinner. 

She walked past her dad, giving him a small nod of the head to at least acknowledge him. He returned the gesture, but with a smile and a wave of his spatula. Lilith stood by the middle of the volleyball set up they had, watching the ball bounce back and forth over the net. She was content sitting there silently, but that was never an option for her.

When the volleyball had finally hit the ground, Leah called a time out while running over to Lilith. "Hey, how'd you sleep? I was telling the others about how you were watching this new show with Toby and thought maybe we should all watch it together. Maybe we could even turn the living room into a movie theatre like we used to when everyone lived at home?"

Lilith grinned nervously, her eyes growing wide as she thought up an excuse as quick she could. "I would love that, Leah, but I don't remember the name of the show unfortunately." Her sister frowned, making Lilith feel a sense of guilt. She knew her sister just wanted to spend quality time with her sister, who she recently found out was more depressed than usual. Lilith sighed, agreeing to a different plan. "How about, instead, we do it like a campfire story? We can eat and make s'mores while I tell you all the story so far."

Leah clapped excitedly, shouting back to the others of their plans for the night. Lilith acted excited along with her sister but on the inside, she was stressing herself out about how she would tell everyone without it seeming exactly like their summer so far.