Classic Rock Poser [Fanart, Rants, and More]

Oneshot Trade [1]

For: rxbertplxnt

Word count: 1111

Topic: Rocks

Hope you like it! <3

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One day, in a world not too far from our own, there was a rock. A beautiful rock. His name was Robert. Robert Plant. He was not a plant, but he had moss growing on him, and worms crawling underneath him. He was happy as a rock. He just sat there, day by day, night by night, waiting. Waiting for the liquids of the sky to finally break him into smaller pieces and reduce him to nothing but bits of sand. 

Like he said before, he was happy as a rock. But sometimes he wished he wasn't a rock. Sometimes he wished that he could be a human. 

He wanted to have legs and walk around. He wanted to have a job, make money, and have a purpose. He wanted to meet a girl and have a family. 

But alas, as a rock, this was impossible. If only magic was real... 

However, one day on a fine spring afternoon, a teenage girl walked  by. She stopped by Robert the rock and sat down next to him. 

"Hello rock." She craned her neck down and said hello to Robert the rock.

"Henlo human." He said back. 

"GAH! CREEPY!" The girl proceeded to pick Robert up and throw him. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The rock screamed as he collided with a tree. He bounced right off of the mighty trunk and plopped onto the ground. "OW THAT HURT!" 

"Wait... That's so weird!" The girl ran after where the precious Robert rock landed and stood over him, peering down at the grey blob. 

"Why did you do that? That hurt!" The little rock huffed. 

"Hurt?" The girl said in disbelief.

"Yeah! Just because I'm a rock doesn't mean I don't have feelings!" Robert the rock exclaimed very loudly.

"Sorry, sorry..." The girl shuffled her feet around awkwardly, and stared off to the side. 

Robert sighed. "Look, kid. You can't just go around throwing rocks. It isn't polite." 

"I didn't think rocks could talk!" 

"Well, I can. I'm not so sure about the rest, but I advocate for them anyway!" Robert continued. "And I say respect the rocks!!!" 

"Um... Ok?" The girl looked at Robert the rock weirdly. 

"Anyway, what's your name?" Robert instantly cooled down. 

"Darcy." The girl replied. 

"Huh," Robert remarked. "Haven't heard that one in a while."

"Thanks?" 

"Yeah. My name's Robert. Robert the rock." Robert said proudly. 

"That's... That's nice!" Darcy smiled awkwardly. "Now, I best be going!"

"What!?" Robert screamed in the most rock like way. "YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE TO ROT IN THESE... THESE DANGEROUS WOODS!?" 

"I'm afraid rocks can't rot." Darcy shook her head. 

"Maybe we can!" Robert cried out. "Please! Take me home!!!!"

"WHAT!?" Darcy's eyes widened. "Take you home? Why? Don't you like being out here?!"

"Alas, no. It's so very lonely! No one wants to talk to a rock! All the critters look at me and run away! The other rocks can't even talk either!" Robert started to pout. "All I ever wanted was someone to talk to! A friend almost!" 

"Awww..." Darcy was not such a big fan of magical rocks, but she could make an exception for Robert. After all, how hard would it be to keep a pet rock? 

Darcy scooped up the tiny rock, and slipped him into her coat pocket. There, he snuggled up and got nice and toasty. All along the way home, Robert talked and talked and talked about the most random of things! It annoyed Darcy slightly. But as he was talking, she thought up of a great idea. 

She was going to show off her pet talking rock to the world, and get filthy rich by doing so. 

"Hey! What're you thinkin' about!?" If Robert had eyes, they would've been narrowed right now. 

"I want to make you famous! You can be a famous talking rock!" Darcy exclaimed happily. 

"No thanks. I'd rather sing." If Robert had eyes once more, he would've rolled them. 

"Sing? What genre?" Darcy questioned. 

"Rock, obviously."

"Clever! A rock in a rock band!? People would pay thousands to see that! Just imagine how famous and rich you could be!" 

"HELL YEAH!" Robert screamed. "SIGN ME UP!!!" 

"Don't worry, I will!" Darcy smiled down at her little weird pet rock. "This'll be one thing you'll never forget! 

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*Timeskip*

Throughout the rest of Robert and Darcy's relationship, they were very close, and did most everything together. Robert sang in a rock band and became very famous and rich. The two of them were swimming in pools of money. Robert got to wear all the tightest outfits that a rock could get, and Darcy got to save her money and have a secure future! 

As Robert became more famous, Darcy strangely started to have feelings for him. It was strange, yes, but it just felt so right. On the night she finally admitted that she loved Robert the rock, Robert confessed his feelings for her too. They dated for 3 weeks before getting engaged for 1 month. Then they got married. It was a weird headline for sure, but Darcy and Robert couldn't be any happier! 

As the years went by, Darcy's health declined, as did Robert's popularity. Robert still went on tours and still made money, but it wasn't like it was before. He was out of style as one could say. 

Darcy was 96 when she died. Robert was tucked away under the blankets next to her when that happened. And when he found out that she really was dead, Robert fell depressed. He couldn't do anything. He didn't want to sing, talk, or even exist. 

The government stormed in and captured Robert the rock. They wanted to use him for spy missions. Robert refused... So the government let him be. They weren't a bad government after all. And besides, Robert was a retired rockstar, what use could he really be in the end?

Eventually, Robert had his love's remains compressed into a beautiful diamond, and sent himself and Darcy's diamond off into the woods to spend the rest of their days. However, much to his surprise, the Diamond could talk too! Now they could both be awkward talking rocks!

And so the two rocks lived through the rest of eternity with each other, enjoying every day of their life. 

The end. 

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[A very strange oneshot topic, I know, but I hope you found this weird quirky little story interesting and worth your time and wait! I know I had a ton of fun writing this thing!! Hope you enjoy!

And for the rest of you, if you'd like a oneshot trade as well, just DM me or something and we can make things work! :D]