PARADISE//mitchel cave

chapter sixteen

That night I had a dream about Jake, I had them all the time but I didn't think I'd get them when I was with Mitchel. This one hit me hard though. Even after I woke up, the dream still felt so real. I tried to relax in Mitchel's arms.

The bus was silent and I could practically hear my racing heart. I was breathing heavy, the dream flooded my mind and I hated it. I didn't want to think about it any more, I wanted to cry all over again. For some reason I thought that pushing it away and never thinking about it would help and it would go away but it finds the worst times to come back and bite me in the ass.

Mitchel shifted beside me, "hey are you alright?" I don't know how he could tell but I appreciated him for it. "Just a bad dream," I snuggled back into his chest.

"Do you wanna go watch Netflix for a while or something?" Everything from earlier tonight practically disappeared from my head, I had nothing but admiration for him. As if I could ever stay mad at him, it was unhealthy I know but I couldn't even care. I had a way of giving up all of my morals for someone I cared about. "Yeah, sure."

I knew he didn't really want to get up but I could really use the distraction. He shifted and unwrapped his arms from me, "okay let's go to the back." I got up and stayed as quiet as possible, making sure I didn't wake any of the others. He closed the door behind us, so we were alone and he grabbed the remote and flipped on The Office.

I let him sit with his back against the wall so I could sit between his legs and lay on his chest. This was my favorite way to sit with him. The volume was really low and the subtitles were on so I just took the time to distract myself and try not to think about it.

"What was your dream about?" I knew he'd ask. I actually thought about telling him, I was so close to him and this was just such a big thing in my head recently. "Remember when you asked me what the worst thing Jake ever did to me was?" I felt him nod, "Yeah." I want to tell him. I didn't know how he'd react or what he'd think of me and that was the only thing holding me back. I hated the version of me in this story, I was pathetic.

"Well, it was about that. I have the same dream a lot." He held me tighter and I was sure he could feel the way I was shaking. I hated it more than anything, I wish I could just forget about it. "It was a couple weeks before I broke up with him actually. It was kind of a last straw for me." He listened contently.

"He had been out with his friends and didn't get home until like 3 in the morning. We lived in an small house together, he has a lot of money because of his family." Mitchel rubbed circles on my arm. I was so glad I was comfortable with him because honestly I didn't think I would be able to be this close to a guy ever again, I'm sort of terrified of them.

But I was so grateful for him.

"And when he got home that night he was really, really drunk. Like the kind of drunk where you can hardly walk and you can't see straight." I was tensing up and I knew Mitchel could feel it. "He, um, well when he got home he started yelling almost as soon as he got in the door." I could already feel myself getting choked up. I was going to try and get through the story without crying but I knew it'd be hard.

"He was talking nonsense about me staying in all the time and how I didn't act interested in him. He said he was embarrassed to say he's dating me to his friends." I remembered it in a scary amount of detail, I had replayed it in my head about a million times.

"He said that if I was a good girlfriend I'd do whatever he wanted me to, whenever he wanted me to. That I'd go out with him and act however he wanted me to." The words made me shiver, I hated him and everything he was in my life. "And then he hit me and told me that I would be better off dead, and that I was lucky he had taken me in because no one else would have." Mitchel tensed under me, "babe, I'm so sorry he did that to you." He wrapped his arms around me more, holding me closer.