bring it back ➳ ben hardy [2]

real life

      "you're upset," joseph stated, leaning against the door frame to the bedroom.
      "as i have every right to be," theodosia said, the tone of her voice bored, her eyes never once straying from her laptop screen while her fingers danced across the keys, nonsense words being strewn together until she found something she liked.
      "theo, we're all just looking out for your best interest, okay? so don't get pissy at us just because we don't want to see you fail."
      slamming her laptop shut, theo spun around in her chair, yanking her reading glasses off of her face and tossing them onto the desk behind her in a manner that screamed you're dead meat! "what i need right now is a little support. that's what i need. not 'hey! we basically think you're incapable of writing another book because we see you as a fragile little thing that might shatter at one ounce of stress on her shoulders!' that's what has me in a bad mood. is that okay? or is my bad mood going to make me spiral?"
      joe tore a hand through his hair, body shaking with anger. "theo, you're not getting it! you've been throwing yourself into work and not allowing yourself to just breathe! a lot of shit happened, okay? you know that more than absolutely anyone, so i know i don't need to lecture you on it and that i sound like a major asshole right now, but you also know that you need to woman the fuck up and confront it. you need to stop trying to distract yourself with project after project as if that's going to fix anything, because it's not!"
      "you think i don't know that? you think that i'm just letting myself become unconsciously obsessed with my work?"
      "no, that's not it. i know you're actively doing it. i know you're using it as an escape and you're doing it very consciously, and that's why you're being so defensive over it. but you've gotta put an end to it, theo. you've got to. not for us. fuck us, fuck our friends, fuck it all. you've gotta heal for yourself. you've gotta slow down for yourself. you've gotta take care of yourself and love and reconnect with yourself before you do anything else. and you can be as pissed off at me as you want, i really don't give a fuck. but don't get pissed at the group just because they know as well as i do that you aren't handling anything very well right now. so take my advice or leave it, but just know that we're all onto you. and you've got a decision to make."
      and on that note, he left the room, leaving her to stew.
      she waited until the front door shut to leave their bedroom. because she knew. she knew he was right about all of it. but she wasn't ready to admit it aloud just yet. she wasn't ready to allow herself to feel all of those terrible emotions all over again. to her, it felt better to repress the trauma than to directly confront it.
      as the front door left, she padded out to the kitchen, noticing the piece of notebook paper sitting on the counter.
      it was in reading it that made her fall to the floor sobbing, knowing what she needed to do but not knowing how.