Coming Home

The Beach

'WHERE ARE WE GOING?', I asked for the fifth time not really knowing why it made me angry. I just wasn't up to surprises at the moment. And this was already the second one. The first had let us to the airport and into a plane, which took us to a small Spanish island called 'Menorca', where Ben apparently had bought himself a little Villa.

'You'll see!', he responded, seemingly amused by my impatience.

We arrived at some kind of farm. He stopped the car and jumped out, greeting a dark tanned man with a lavish handshake. They changed a few words and then laughed like they already knew each other for a long time. Then they went towards the red farm house, Ben turning around and waving me promptly. I got out and followed, slowly. Around the corner I was expected by two black horses, snoozing in the sun. A little dog came over and sniffed at my legs. I reached down to stroke him but he already trotted away. This was confusing. What were we doing here?

'Kira, come here!' I heard Ben calling me, now standing beside the horses.

'Toni was as nice as lending us two of his Menorquin he uses for tourist rides. They are the quiet itself.'

Do I look like being interested?  But actually I was. I loved animals, they were the only ones you could ever really trust.

'How did you find out I can ride?' I asked him right away without even trying to conceal the suspicion in my voice.

'As I said: Your father and I were really close friends. Otherwise he would have never let me adopt you, would he?'

I hated the word 'adopt' and with an angry look I turned to my horse. It sounded like I needed to be monitored. But there was something else in that sentence that bothered me... I just couldn't figure out what it was...

Ben just smiled mildly and we both mounted. He led the way, seeming to know where we needed to go. The horses were really calm, but I was surprised how well the actor cut a fine figure in the saddle. As if he could read my mind, again, he yelled back to me:

'I need to keep my hand in riding. I learned it for my new movie, war horse, which I just finished shooting.'

I didn't feel the need to answer, but he was already used to that.

After about half an hour we reached a great beach with red sand. The sun already began to sink over the clear water and the gentle waves shimmered like an endless blanket of silver and gold. For a moment I was breathless, just being riveted by the view, sucking the salty air deep into my lungs.

'Ready for some gallop?' I heard Ben's voice and before I could even react I found myself side to side with him, crossing the beach in an unbelievable speed.

And suddenly something changed. For the first time in ages I really felt alive. It must have been just for a second when I closed my eyes and everything bad, every memory and thought just fell off my chest and let me free. I could feel. I could feel the wind on my face and the light concussion when the hooves touched the ground. I could feel the sun on my skin and the power of the muscles working beneath me. I could hear the soothing rustle of the waves and Ben's laughter at my side. It felt like flying. I could feel.

At the end of the beach we controlled our horses so they could recover their breath. This had been the most real and at the same time the most unreal moment in my life. I looked at Ben and he returned my regard, the golden sun mirroring in his special eyes. I suddenly knew he was all I had now and I was incredibly thankful for that. Before I had even noticed it, there was a small, shy smile on my face, like from someone who had long forgotten how to do it. And he smiled back, so brightly that I had to start laughing. It was the first time since I woke up and though I still felt guilty for it, thinking of the great loss the death of my parents was for me, it also gave me some kind of comfort, some kind of life back.

And it was in that moment I had the feeling of seeing my parents standing in front of us on the beach, smiling and my dad pointing at me, saying: 'Do you see her? That's my girl! I knew she would make it!'. And my mum, with her gracious eyes, adding: 'Don't feel guilty my love. You know that we only want you to be happy.' The vision faded with the tears coming out of my eyes.

'You alright?' Ben asked, looking concerned.

'Yes, yes... I'm okay' Just too many feels for the first time feeling again.

Once we were back I had recovered my self-control and was already annoyed by my companion's constant gaze, saying: 'You know that was the first step.' I actually didn't know. But there seemed to be some light beneath those thick layers of sorrow and pain buried inside me, only a glimpse by now, but with the slinking growing ability to get brighter.