Coming Home

The suitcase

My suitcase stood on the floor again, still not packed. I couldn't help but stare at it, something inside of me refused to start. The picture in front of my eyes began to disappear and was replaced by the memory of the day I had decided to fill it with my clothes again.

I had known that Ben had been meeting with a girl, though he reduced that a bit when I moved in to have more time for me. So the first time I actually saw her sitting in our living room, cuddled up with him on the sofa I wasn't really sure whether to like that or not. After his kind words about me saving him and stuff like that I then realized that I had began to consider myself as the most important person in his life. He certainly has become that for me. But seeing those two together through the half open door, hearing her laughing about something he said, I suddenly felt out of place. Replaced. The cold feeling that I didn't belong here and that I had no one left hit me like a supressed memory. I had to admit that I was a rather jealous person and though I always tried not to let that show on the outside, it then was even stronger on the inside.
Come on he deserves a girlfriend and you know that!

Trying to leave the stupid hurt feeling behind, I hurried up the stairs, accidently missing one step and, stumbling, dropping my bag to save myself with my hands. There was a loud noise as it fell down the stairs. I froze and held my breath for a second, desperately hoping that they may not have heard it. But of course they had.

'Kira, is everything okay? Why didn't you say hello?', I heard Ben's both concerned and reproachful voice behind me.

I sighed and turned to him. There he stood at the foot of stairs, like on the first day I had met him. Only that he was wearing a jumper and his hair were a bit messy. Gosh I will miss you, you cute, messy dork. Wait... did I just think 'will'?  Yes I did. Cause seeing that beautiful dark haired woman stepping beside him, a blanket over her shoulders and with a curious look in her eyes, I suddenly realized that there was another important person in my life as well.
Maybe it's meant to be like that. Maybe we should just save each other for a while. Now we both have someone else to give our life a meaning. Maybe it's time for us to go seperate ways from now.

I pulled on a smile and I was sure he could see the blink of sadness that moved through it.

'I'm sorry I just didn't want to... disturb you.'

Without giving the woman another look I tried to grab my bag, which was in Ben's hands now. But he didn't let go. His eyes told me that he knew exactly what was going on.

'Not so fast, little girl.'

He loved to tease me with that and knew that I hated it. But I never could be mad at him for long so he kept doing it.

'I think you two haven't met yet and you should at least say hello.'
You are certainly ready for that!, I read from his look.

'Hey', I said, still trying to get hold of my bag.

'Hi, I'm Sophie.'

'Yeah, I know. And you surely know who I am, so I don't get the sense of this.'

'Kira, seriously...'

Ben looked really disappointed and suddenly I felt bad.

'No, no it's okay, she's right.' , Sophie gave an amused smile. 'Maybe we should learn more about each other, before deciding if we like one another. You'd like to have dinner with us?'
Most certainly not.

But her look was so encouraging and hopeful that I just gave in.

'Yeah, okay. I'm just taking my stuff to my room!'

With a hitch I ripped my bag of Ben's hands and went upstairs. From the corner of my eye I saw him laying his arm around Sophie and kissing her on the cheek while joining her on her way to the kitchen.

I thought of Cosima and smiled lightly - I had made my decision.