Coming Home

Trying

'We have to do some shopping. You can't wear that jumper for the rest of your life!'

He pulled over and parked the car at the side of the street, near a nice looking shopping mile of a beautiful little city - Ciutadella .

'It was my dads – he gave it to me as a present once when I was lovesick to comfort me.'

Why am I telling him this?!

'Anyway, I don't need more clothes. I have enough and I don't care what I'm wearing!'

'I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't know how much it meant to you.'

He looked at me and I knew he was serious. I didn't expect him to apologize and for a moment I really didn't want him to think I would be angry at him. How could he have known?

So without noticing I had got out of the car and the next moment I hated myself for being that emotional. Quickly I built up a wall again but now I had to join him shopping.

He seemed to be impatient to reach the first shop quickly and, trotting behind, I soon got to understand why: Some tourists began to give us the 'isn't that...?' - look and I started to feel uncomfortable myself.

Why is he doing that to himself? We could just have ordered some things on the internet. Is it because of me? But why...

We entered a small shop filled up with youth clothes for every genre, especially summer outfits, for it was still quite hot here. For a moment I remembered my regular shopping tours with a friend of mine and I felt a little stitch in my chest.

Stop thinking about him!

Since I had lost my phone at the accident I hadn't contacted any of the former people I knew. I didn't even know exactly why. I just couldn't do it. At first I didn't want to accept that all of that had happened, I insisted on this being just a dream. And then I had slowly realized that this wasn't my former life anymore. This wasn't me anymore.

Ben turned around and gave me an inviting look. I sighed and started to walk around.

After two hours we left the fifth shop with several tops, t-shirts, shorts and a bikini filling my bags. I had been tired and not really motivated but Ben had dragged me on and on without mercy.

While he got us some ice cream I wondered how to pay him back. My eyes found a shop nearby which looked interesting. I grinned darkly. He'll like that!

As soon as we had finished the ice I led him into the shop. He followed me, too surprised about me taking action to resist.

'Now it's your turn – I'll get you some fancy clothes!' I announced, soon returning with some ripped jeans, a Simple Plan T-Shirt and a black leather jacket. After some discussion he finally disappeared into the changing room. Five minutes later he came back out and the suit-wearing gentleman had become a groovy rocker. He stepped in front of the mirror.

'You know, I used to look a bit like that when I was in your age. Except that my jeans were a whole piece, mostly.'

I laughed at his sceptical look.

'There is still something missing... wait'

I took a neon green wig from a post and placed it on his head. I couldn't help myself but starting to giggle. He put on an offended face. The next moment we were both in tears, laughing. It actually felt so good to be able to do that again.

It was the last evening of our holidays. The moon hung over the cliffs outside the Villa, appearing like a giant glowing circle against the dark sky. I found Ben sitting on the balcony, reading a book, his dark hair being all messy. It looked cute. I leaned against the open door, waiting until he noticed my presence. My tiptoeing skills were excellent.

'Kira, hey... didn't hear you coming! What's up?'

'Ben..'

I just realized I had said his name for the very first time.

'Listen I... about what you said earlier, that my dad allowed you to... take care of me – how exactly did that work?'

Being all suspicious again, I withstood his gaze. He seemed to be thinking about what to say.

'Sit down', he said calmly, pointing at the other chair opposite to him.

'No, just... tell me.'

'Alright.'

He looked away, up to the stars trying to flicker their way through the overall brightness of the moon.

'Like they already told you, your mother died instantly but your father... they brought him to hospital but there wasn't much hope. My name was the first in the contact list of his phone, which he still had in his trousers so it didn't burn with most of the stuff. I wanted to give it to you, but the police confiscated it, they only gave me your suitcase which had been hurled out through one window.

Well, anyway – they called me and when I arrived, sitting down on your fathers bed, he suddenly woke up. He opened his eyes and looked at me and I was shocked for a moment. His once always so mischievous, lively flickering eyes now seemed so weak and pale and already so far away. You can be glad you didn't see that, believe me!'

He paused, looking for words.

'So... then he started talking and at first I couldn't understand much but then his throat cleared and he said:

''You know, you're my best friend, Ben and I always tried to be there for you so... I beg of you only one thing: Please...''

His voice faded and I could see how he pulled every strength together he could find.

''Please, would you take care of Kira for me? I'm sure you two will get... along very well.''

He tried a smile, but his eyes were watering.

''I love her more than anything and she deserves to be happy. I know she will make it!''

At this point..'

Now it was Ben who had tears in his eyes, trying to put himself together.

'At this point', he finally continued in a scratchy voice. ' He took my hand and tried to smile. And then he closed his eyes and even before he stopped breathing I could feel his hand loosing grip of mine. This was the most terrible moment in my life and I don't know how long I just sat there. I couldn't even cry, I just sat there, holding his hand as tight as I could, not able to let him go. And... and I swore to myself, over and over again, that I would fulfill his last wish, no matter what it would cost me. And I really try...'

His voice broke. Now I had to sit down after all. Shaking, I grabbed Ben's hand, we were both crying now. Then, slowly, I looked up, catching his gaze.

'I know you do', I said, and I really meant it.