Coming Home

Where's the good in goodbye?

It was rainy and windy and I didn't look forward to flying at all. I had been on a plane at least once a year since I can remember, for my father had to move around a lot in his job and he always took us with him. But the older I got the more afraid I was of it. Not because of the hight itself but because of the fact that you had nothing around you which could save you - just air. So if something happened the chance of surviving wasn't that high. And every single turbulence reminded me of that - that was why I could never find any sleep on a plane.

Ben parked the car near the drop-off entrance and helped us checking in. He would be off to New Zealand the next day and hadn't packed anything yet, so he seemed a bit stressed. I laughed thinking of him running back to the house for about ten times until he was sure he hadn't forgotten anything. He was always like that when he had to leave the house for more than one day. He looked at me and chuckled a bit as if he had guessed my thoughts.

We arrived at the security. Cosima said goodbye to Ben with a friendly hug and then got in line, well knowing that we needed a moment for ourselves. She was always so sensitive concerning other peoples feelings.

'Well...'

I turned to Ben, trying to catch his gaze. I saw tears shimmering in his eyes and being lost for words I just hugged him. Tightly. I didn't want to let him go. It was in this moment I realized how much he actually meant to me. I felt his body sobbing quietly and pulled him even closer. But somehow I couldn't cry. I felt like I was in shock, like my heart refused to believe what my brain already knew. I wasn't sure how long we had been standing there like this, ignoring the hundreds of people just passing by.

'Goodbye Ben', I whispered in his ear, slowly letting him go. He stepped back a bit, quickly wiping over his face.

'Be happy little girl.'

He tried to smile and let his hand glide from my shoulder.

'Text me when you've arrived'

'We'll be in touch'

I smiled back, already beginning to walk away. I wanted to escape this horrible situation. I couldn't bear it. Then suddenly I stopped.

'Ben?'

He still stood there, looking at me. I went back to him and kissed him softly on the cheek.

'Thank you for everything!'

With that I finally turned around and hurried to join Cosima, who was already waiting on the other side of the security check.

Before we walked to our gate, I couldn't help but take a quick look back. And there he was, still standing unchanged, looking after me. Suddenly I remembered the last scene of 'The Return of the King' when Frodo left Middle-Earth and how he smiled, so his friends last memory of him wasn't a sad one.

So I smiled brightly and waved. Just before we disappeared around the corner, I saw him doing the same.

The plane took off softly and made it's way up through the clouds. Cosima had already fallen asleep. She never seemed to be afraid of anything, or at least was good at hiding it. Sighing I closed my eyes and concentrated on the music streaming through my headphones to fight the scary feeling of not being able to see anything outside.

All the things that we've lost
Breaking up comes at a cost
And now I miss this mistake.
Every word I try to choose
Either way I'm gonna loose
Can't take the ache from heartbreak.
Oh but as you walk away, you don't hear me say:
Where's the 'good' in goodbye?
Where's the 'nice' in nice try?
Where's the 'us' in trust gone?
Where's the 'soul' in soldier on?
Now I'm the 'low' in lonely
Cause I don't own the only
I can take this mistake, but
I can't take the ache from heartbreak...
('No good in goodbye' by The Script)