day by day

almost 16

it's bad again.

i'm almost 16.

everyone keeps asking me what I want for my birthday,

and all I want is you back.

all that comes to mind when they ask, is your name.

"what do you want for your birthday?"

'james'

"uhm, I'm not sure"

all I want is you.

to be talking to you.

waiting with you.

I know that you would be so excited for me.

and I know you'd want me to be excited too.

so I'm sitting here, on the couch, at 11:56pm, on July 30th, trying.

trying my hardest to be excited, because I know that's what you would want.

so i'm trying.

even though you're not here to give a fuck.

I'm trying.

so, I'm almost 16.

and babe, I know I missed your birthday, and I'm sorry,

but in my defence,

I was doing one of the things you love about me.

loved about me

I was at camp.

remember how much you loved that about me?

I do.

but please believe me when I say I had a huge text written out to send to you.

but I remembered you don't give a flying fuck about what I have to say anymore.

so I deleted it and hopped on the bus back to the ranch.

off to do what you loved that I did.

without you there to love me for doing it.

so now, it is 12:03am, July 31st.

I am 16.

and you,

are still gone.