Void // Billie Eilish

Eighteen

~
Alexis
~

"Thanks Chicago, you were fire! I love you!" Billie shouts and the crowd cheers back at the top of their lungs, continuing to do so even once Billie runs off the stage and the stage lights go out.

I take my headphones off and high five the two guys next to me to celebrate another show without any audio mix ups or malfunctions. We've been on tour for almost exactly a month now, and our streak so far is perfect. The lighting crew can't relate, just saying.

The tour in general has been going really well, pretty much perfectly actually until a bit over a week ago. Things are still going really well in terms of all the concerts going without a hitch, it's just that I can tell Billie is running out of steam. She's exhausted all the time now, has stomachaches and headaches a lot, doesn't get enough sleep most nights, and has no appetite in the morning, which is really bad because she does so much during the day.

I also still feel like there's something she isn't telling me, but I don't know what it is. It could all be in my head though, because I trust Billie completely. I wish she trusted me the way I trust her, but that's for me to fix.

I'm having a great time, but it's also not as perfect as I thought it would be. I don't see Billie enough, which I know sounds fake because we're always near each other, but she's always busy- either getting dragged off to an interview or a meet and greet or a photo shoot or a rehearsal or whatever. By the time she finishes her shows she's rightfully way too tired to give me much time, and I'm starting to miss her even though she's right here.

On top of missing our time together that we had before tour, I'm also just worried. At this point I feel like Billie is running on fumes, and if she doesn't take a proper break soon she's gonna crash pretty hard.

I stand up to stretch my legs just as Billie rounds the corner and runs straight into my arms, the way she always does after a show. We never really feel the need to tone down our affection in front of the tour crew, they're all totally chill and wouldn't be the kind of assholes to sell pictures or stories about us to the tabloids.

A few rumors have started to swirl around me and Billie though. Occasionally we'll slip up, and a fan or pap will catch a picture of us before a show holding hands or something, but so far there hasn't been any pictures that can confirm we're anything more than close friends.

"Great show, princess!" I say genuinely and wrap my arms tightly around her, even though she's sweaty as hell and out of breath.

"Fuck I'm so tired," she whines and relaxes in my arms, putting a lot of her weight on me. "I can't move again ever."

"I can carry you back to the bus, lazy bones," I mumble and rub her back, but she shakes her head.

"Meet and greet first," she reminds me and I frown because she really should be resting, but it's not like she can just ditch her meet and greet at this point. "I wish I had time to get food first."

"I'll have food waiting for you when it's done," I assure her and kiss her cheek sweetly. "Let's get you to the meeting room."

I pull away from her despite her protests and turn around so she can jump onto my back. She's too tired to hold onto me too firmly so I grip her thighs firmly as I carry her through the corridors until we find the room we're looking for.