My Safe Haven (Completed)

Chapter 45: Little Angel

Jennie's POV

The sun is already setting down as I can see through the windows. I woke up feeling heavy all over my body.

Everything in me was aching. My mind hurts, my heart is in agony and my soul is tortured. Why is this happening to me? Why me? Am I not worthy to be happy? Am I cursed or what? Why Lisa? Why my everything? Now, how could I live my life without her? How can I get through this without my strength? Without my pillar, without my sunshine? How?!

My tears began to fall again. Fvck! I did nothing this past few months but to cry and cry and cry.

"Jen.." I heard someone entered the unfamiliar room I was in and it's Seulgi. She moved closer to me and then held my hands.

"You are at my room. Teacher Chaeng and I brought you here after you passed out.. Jen.. I'm sorry.. Chaeng told me everything.. I'm sorry that it has to happen to you and Lisa.. I'm sorry.." she said crying her heart out. Maybe she pitied me that much.

"Shhh. This is not your fault.. Don't be sorry.. Life is always making fun of me and this is the worst joke it thrown to me.. Life sucks Seulg.. And fvcking unfair.." I said sobbing. Damn. I need to breathe. The roller coaster of events are making me insane again. Everything that is happening into my life is always something I am not expecting of and it's exhausting me.

"Seulg, can I go outside for a moment? I want to breathe. And please, don't accompany me. I just need time for myself alone." I plead. I badly want to take a walk and just die for whatever reason it might be.

Seulgi just nod and spoke, "Okay. I'll just inform Chaeng when she woke up, she's sleeping on the other room.. I hope you'll be okay Jen."

"I hope too.." I whispered heavily.
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I don't know how but I just found my feet led me to our favorite spot in the front of the beach, under the palm tree.

I sat on the sand and lean my back against the tree, just like how I sit with Lisa beside me. My tears were betraying me again as I reminisce our lovely times together.

I miss her laugh every time she teases me, I miss her complaining every time I tease her back. I miss how she compliments me, telling me I'm the most beautiful woman in her eyes. I miss the way she caresses my skin and make me feel thousand of mini thunderbolts on my system. I miss how she hold my hand every time I'm feeling anxious and just with that, I will feel relieved. I miss how she can make me scream loud out of pleasure every time she do me. Fvck! I miss everything about her!!

My tears were falling down again. Tears became my bestfriend this few months that made me used to it.

"Fvck this life.. Lisa.. Baby.. How could you do this to me? Damn.. You're not allowed to leave me Lili.. You could have just at least taken me with you.." I mumbled under my breath.

I want to die. I can't live this life without you Lisa. You are my life.

I looked at the ocean. The place where I almost lost my life but Lisa came to save me.. I smiled bitterly remembering it.

"Maybe if I'll get drown this time, no one will save me again.. Because there's no more Lisa anymore.. My knight-in-shining-armour.." I weakly uttered.

I found myself standing up and making my way to the ocean. I want to die, just like the feeling I felt when my father set me up with Kai but of course, it's with a different reason this time. And it is because of Lisa.. I'd rather die than to live without her.

I am few more steps away from the water when suddenly, I felt small hands wrapped around my legs.

I looked down and saw an angel which made me cry harder, "SungJae.." I whispered.

"Noonaaa.."

"What are you doing here?" I asked while lifting him up. He hugged me tightly and it make my negative thoughts vanished.

"I am going here every night before I go to sleep.. I miss my mama and my papa noona.. I miss Lisa hyung.. She's not here to play with us anymore.. I want to grow up faster noona.. I want to be big and beat the people who took them away.." I was left speechless by how the kid talk. He's just like Lisa full of conviction.

"Tae's mom told me that they are angels now that watching us from above.. That's why I go here every night to talk to them.. How about you noona? Why are you here? I haven't seen you for awhile. I missed you a lot. I am happy when I saw so I ran fast to catch you.. Are you going to swim? " the innocent child asked me spontaneously that made me feel like an idiot thinking to take away my own life again. He is still mourning because of the death of his parents. Life is important and I should be lucky to have one. Lisa saved me before, I should be grateful to her and not waste it again. Fvck. I'm stupid.

I just cried harder and harder while hugging SungJae firmly. "Noona, don't cry.. Hyung will think that I'm making you cry.. She's looking down on us.. Look at the stars.. She's there.." he tried to calm me down. I pulled him out of the hug and I sat down at the sand while putting SungJae on my lap.

The sea breeze touches our skin softly, it's calming. I looked up at the sky and I felt SungJae did too. Lisa's smile is all that I can see again.. I took a deep breath and looked down to SungJae.

"Do you want me to adopt you our prince?" I asked him.

"Adopt? What is that?" he curiosly replied.

"It is like letting me be your mama wherein you can call me Mommy. And your last name will be changed.. It will be changed to Choi.. Your Lisa Hyung's last name.. I wish she's here to be your appa SungJae.." I stated while getting teary for the nth time.

I want to adopt SungJae and let him carry Lisa's last name. He is one of those people who can remind me of Lisa. We treated the kids as if our own when she was still here. Fvck again, I miss her so fvcking much.
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Wait for another chapter. It's too long so I have to split it up in two to avoid confusions. I'll drop it after a few minutes of finalizing. Prepare your heart cause this chapter and next chapter somewhat made me dizzy HAHAHA