for her

40

I woke up to the faint beeping of a machine.

Did I fall asleep in a patients room?

I quickly opened my eyes- startled, seeing that I was in the bed

I had the IV

I felt the drugged state.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, reaching beside me, grabbing my chart from the bed.

I opened it, quickly glancing through my vitals.

"Shit" I mumbled out- seeing that my heart rate had dropped to an almost concerning level at one point.

I could read that I had a surgery

But just enough details were missing to not tell me what I had surgery on.

I felt my chest, feeling for a bandage or anywhere sore.

All I felt was electrodes.

Not my heart.

As I went down my stomach, getting towards the bottom I felt an immediately soreness, making me almost sit up.

My appendix.

As I went to find a bandage- Calum entered with Luke, neither of them in scrubs, gloom looks on both of their faces.

"My appendix?" I questioned as the two of them sat beside my bed, pulling their chairs closer to me

"No" Calum spoke quietly.

"The only other thing could be my ovaries- and there should be no problem-" "i need you to take a minute before I tell you this, and I need you to relax and listen before you react to what I'm going to say, okay?" Calum almost whispered, taking my hand into his own.

"Is cleo okay?" I questioned, beginning to get nervous at the way everyone was reacting.

"Cleo is fine, and Ashton is on the way- he should be here in about three hours, as soon as we're sure you're okay, we are going to take you to our house until Ashton gets here. Maddie has agreed to watch Cleo for the next few nights-" "Calum, what is going on." I felt myself panic.

"Payton, you were ten weeks pregnant." He whispered, and I felt my heart drop.

"W-What do you mean" I felt my voice crack.

They both held sympathetic faces.

"You said were- that's past tense" I mumbled, connecting the dots myself, but I didn't want to believe it.

"The pain you were feeling in your stomach today was you miscarrying, I am so sorry Payton" Calum spoke, immediately making tears come into my eyes.

I covered my face- not wanting the two of them to see me crying.

"I knew something was wrong- I should've got someone to check my vitals- we could've caught it" I immediately cried out.

"We wouldn't have been able to do anything, it was already too far gone, it most likely started while you were sleeping last night" Luke spoke slowly.

I cried into my hands, feeling angry at myself

Why did I dismiss it?
Why didn't I tell someone that what I was feeling was weird?
Why didn't I connect the dots myself?

I'm a fucking Doctor, I should know when something isn't right, and I just let my own baby die because I dismissed it as cramps.

"Does Ash know?" I cried out as Calum pulled me into a tight hug.

"We told him, he's coming home" Calum spoke,  squeezing my shoulders, looking to my eyes as I cried out.

"I killed our baby"