my thoughts, my writing

The lights of his city

I've been new to New York. Whenever I was out of my appartment I used to listen to musik through my earphones. Walking on the busy sidewalks. I let my eyes travel around. From building to building, to a store and back to a building. I serched this djungle of grey stone and iron for flaws. Tiny flowers growing on a wall across the street. The, in sun rise color drowned sky, some people and the trees, that are carefully kept in place. Every color that does belong into a trist place like this but didn't suit the cityscape in the slightest.
Going to work in the morning. Leaving work in the evening. After a snack for dinner I love to rest around a place where you can see the sunset. Sitting there and writing in my notebook as I watch the light getting eaten up by the dark blue of the night.
Most see the grey and complain but don't go some other place to take a glimpse at the horizon. I do travel around but I always long for more. Every step I go towards the cutting line of the surface of our planet. Every step I take the horizon backs away.
Will I ever reach further than my eyes can see?
Probably not. But I keep trying. To the horizon and beyond.
Beyond, that is where my feelings brought me.
Beyond understanding.
Pushing me out of my comfort zone. This one light, not shining brighter than others in the ocean of lights. This one man giving me one chance. One chance is all we got.
One life, one body, one chance.
Walking through the streets once again my eyes met his. He was coming out of a restaurant, his eyes on mine for what seemed to be enternaty but in fact, barely lasted a second. The blue left me frozen. My ears only hearing the distand noise of cars and chatter of the busy people around me. As he flashed a smile at the frozen girl, looking dumb in the flow of workaholics. My body relaxed, getting heat up and my mind was finished with this one information. Him. I blinked awkwardly as I pretended to look for something, like I just recalled I had forgotten something. Did I actually forgot what I was forgetting?
A sight escaped my mouth. I was still standing there in the river of people and if things weren't already complicated enough, the reason my whole system blacked out was approching me with a cute chuckle after a frown rushed over his face. "Are you alright miss? Can I help you?", he asked with a voice, softer and more passionate than we believe the voices of angels may sound. "I, um, no. I just thought I forgot something but I guess, not." My eyes ran over his features until they stopped right at his eyes. Again his eyes made my mind stumble over the easiest informations. He formed his lips into a charming grin and looked behind himself before his voice brought me back to reality:" Well, that's good. I thought you were lost. I better get going then?" "Uh, yes. Well, I hope you get to your destination safely.", I managed to pronounce before waving him goodbye. He indees turned around but looked back at me for a moment. He fought himself. "I hope you will think you forgot something and stop in your track a little more in the future. Maybe when I am around?", he questioned and chuckled yet once again before leaving. As he brought distance between us I stood there, just as dumbfolded as I did the first time.
Time passed and the thought of this guy being my special meet up in life, I'll only have once.
One life, one body, one chance.
I knew he was the one and he was a light in this city. I did not belong as a light into this city. I did not belong here and he did not belong anywhere else.
So i moved on but a part of me, a memory of him lit up the shadow my light throws. And so did his memory of me lit up his shadows.
Oh how dearly I wish I belonged at least around this place but as I don't find my space around him, I will leave.
One life, one body, one chance. This was worth the painful memory. Worth a split soul. Worth a teary smile.
It was worth wasting my one chance with him.