what happened to louisa xun

two

estee's narration

everyone found out about her return when she stumbled into motor a week later, her backpack hanging off of one of her shoulders. everyone thought they were hallucinating at first. hell, i thought my weed was laced. she was there, it was real, louisa was back.

we hugged her but no one cried, it wasn't our place to cry. weird, now that i'm remembering everything she hadn't shed a tear until she told us what happened.

no one said anything about the months she'd been gone or the scar that made its way down the left side of her face. she was still beautiful, even when we'd seen everything else.

she leaned on fuckshit's shoulder, i remember seeing him wipe a tear away without anyone else noticing. something was off. louisa looked at me and flashed a toothless smile at me, i returned it. the boys had left to go skate out back and left just me and her, we talked.

"so," she started the conversation, her thumbs fiddling with themselves like they used to. "what did i miss?"

what did you miss? you missed the search party we threw for you, the tears and vigils held for you. i used to keep my porch lights on for you, just in case you wanted to say hi. you missed the funeral we held with an empty casket, we all assumed the worst after weeks passed. you missed fuckshit's mental breakdowns, he tried to fuck angela to get it off of his mind, it never worked.

we still float boats down the river under the bridge where we used to hang out and watch the boys skate. i know you're not really here, what happened to you? where did your spark go? the light behind your eyes is broken, lou. i miss you, the old you. what happened?

i kept my mouth shut instead, wiping a tear away from my eye and sniffling a bit. she knew what i was thinking.