alive | ethma

4.

emma chamberlain

Ethan and I stood in line for the ferris wheel. We've been at the fair for a good hour now.

In that time, Ethan and I managed to complete the mirror maze and consume a soft pretzel and funnel cake.

The mirror maze consisted of me running into my reflection several times and Ethan laughing at my expense.

"Ethan! Stop laughing at me!" I giggled out.

"You're just- you're going the wrong way again," he smiled at me while gently shaking his head.

I never noticed how nice his hair was.

"We're never gonna make it out of here if I don't help you," he reached out to grab my waist to spin me in the right direction. He then intertwined my fingers with his while leading me through the path.

I could feel his nervous hand shaking.

I would've spent forever wandering through that maze if I could. Ethan just wanted to conquer it and exit.

"Next two in line!" The ferris wheel worker called out.

Ethan and I walked towards the passenger car.

"I'm still not sure why you took me here," Ethan said while allowing me to step into the pod first.

"I wanna figure you out." I said bluntly while shrugging my shoulders. It was the truth.

Ethan stood there for a second before climbing in after me and sitting on the opposite side. I looked at his face full of shock.

"Why does that surprise you?"

"I guess I'm just not used to people being so honest with me." He stuttered out.

"Well, let's start with the basics. What do you do?" I asked as the ferris wheel started to creak and move.

"I, uh, I'm a college student here." Ethan suddenly grabbed onto the sides of the cart with white knuckles.

I then started to realize his other behaviors. Heavy breathing. Sweating.

He was scared of heights.

We were now almost at the top of the ferris wheel. "Hey, look," I said as I pointed out towards the skyline. "Nothing that beautiful could hurt you," I gently whispered in order to calm his fears.

And it was beautiful. The sun was just starting to set on the city. The golden rays casted onto the skyscrapers. It was serene.

"Look how beautiful life is, just focus on that," I glanced back at Ethan, his face visibly relaxing.

"That's easier said than done," his voice weak.

We both remained silent for the rest of the ride. It wasn't an awkward silence, but a comfortable silence. The two of us just looking out at the city, enjoying each other's company, but not admitting it.

As we were stepping off the ride, I noticed Ethan giving me a tight lipped smile and glowing eyes. It felt like he was saying thank you with his expression so he didn't have to say it out loud and face the embarrassment.

Society doesn't appreciate men being vulnerable. I disagree. Emotions are beautiful and should be shared.

"Okay so you go to college, what else?" I questioned.

I could visibly see a wall go up. "Um, I already answered a question. What about you? What do you do?" He started to play with the hem of his shirt.

Finding out his story might be harder than I thought. But then again, I was already learning a lot about him without having to even pose a question.

"I go to college here too. I also work at the library part time, as you probably already know." I blushed.

I fucking blushed.

"Where are you from?" Ethan asked another question.

"San Francisco, what about you?" We were now just wandering through the fair with no plan or place to be.

"New Jersey." Ethan said plainly.

Now the silence got awkward, while Ethan looked lost in thought.

"Do you ever miss home?" He asked to break the silence.

"No. My home is wherever I want it to be," I simply put.

Ethan looked perplexed by my statement.

"Let me, uh, walk you back to the library," he said.

Oh. I felt my stomach drop. I guess we're done here.

"And I'll, um, meet you there again tomorrow?" He finished with a shy smile.

I could feel my smile growing, and as I went to answer, he interrupted me. "That's if- uh, that's if you want me to meet you-"

"Ethan," I interrupted him back. "I'll see you there again tomorrow. It's a date."