"I can definetely tell you're confused right now," Jiwoo chuckled "You're the first amongst the eleven to know the truth, or a part of it. The part you're involved in and that made me take my decision."
Chaewon dropped her phone, teeth biting onto her arm to stop herself from sobbing as Jiwoo's voice echoed in the bathroom she took her own life in.
"There are twelve main reasons things have turned out this way, some worse than other's and it might sound silly even absurd, but I guess I have always been weak." she breathed heavily against the microphone.
No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. The blonde repeated inside her head.
"Remember back in middle school, when I told you I had this huge crush on Sooyoung unnie?" Chaewon shook her head, smilling. It was the saddest day of her life, until this very one. "You seemed very upset after I told you, but hid it well. I later realized why and I'm sorry for hurting you, Chaewon-ya."
Chaewon always asked herself is she did anything wrong for Jiwoo not liking her and liking Sooyoung instead. She could never come up with an answer apart from the fact that the older was cooler and more beautiful. She played hard to get with everyone, a lot of people drooled over her, yet around Jiwoo the whole facade was nowhere to be found. And Chaewon was nothing like Sooyoung, she wasn't cool or that beautiful. She didn't look good in leather jackets and ripped jeans, oversized shirts and caps. Chaewon was shy and timid, she wasn't that social and always insecure about annoying her friends because of it.
Chaewon was nothing like Sooyoung, that was where she was going wrong.
"It took me so long to see it, your intrest in me. I'm sorry Chaewon, but I'd like you to know I really do love you," the blonde held her breath at that, her teeth marking her skin "You're my sister, my best friend. You always made me happy by just smiling at me or offering me your dessert when I was feeling down. You are great and I'm sure everyone would love to have you by their side. I didn't deserve you anyway."
The blonde felt like screaming, crying. Why did Jiwoo had to record this message if the only thing she said was how amazing Chaewon was, breaking her heart in many more pieces. There was supposed to be an explanation and all the girl had gotten until now was words she didn't deserve to hear.
"Remember that one night when we were in highschool, where the seniors held a party for everyone?" Jiwoo questioned "It was supposed to bring students of all years together. Because together, we are better!" her tone was mocking and Chaewon could definitely tell she was using air quotes almost the whole sentence as well as where she was going with it.
That party was one of the memories Chaewon wished she didn't have with Jiwoo.
"The party was mediocre, people were mostly rude but it was okay. I was in a good mood, Sooyoung unnie and I were doing so well together," she laughed "Remember, Chaewon-ah?"
Of course she did, how could she forget?
"I can still picture it, us waiting for her and Hyejoo to bring us drinks and dancing to the lame music played by that awful DJ," Chaewon could too "Mainly the part where you leaned in and kissed me in front of my girlfriend. That was fun, the part where she started a scene."
The room vibrated under their feet as Jiwoo and Chaewon both dressed in pretty dresses leisurely swayed their bodies in tandem with the deafening music. Both girls were waiting for their friends to bring them some of the weirdly good drink one of the seniors mixed.
"This music hurts my ears." the red head chuckled, nudging the blonde's shoulder who seemed to be spacing out.
"Huh? Ah yes, it's..bad." Chaewon mumbled, eyes fixated on the girl's lips as she went on to say something about how people won't leave her alone.
The blonde didn't know how it happened or how she found the courage to do it, but she closed her eyes and leaned in when Jiwoo least expected her too. She kissed her, Chaewon had kissed Jiwoo after so long of fantasizing about it.
"What the hell, Jiwoo?!" though the beautiful moment—for Chaewon—was cut short by Sooyoung shouting.
Jiwoo stood there with mouth agape, her bestfriend had kissed her in front of her girlfriend and the whole school to see, adding to all the rumors going on around about her. And Sooyoung screaming at her, calling her names and gaining the attetion of all people in the room didn't make it easier for her as she felt all eyes on her and started to hear the usual judgmental whispers.
"People were right, about the slut thing," the girl laughed, walking closer to Jiwoo "And I sat here defending you."
"B-Babe, wait. That's not what you—" she gasped, cool liquid streaming down from her head to her chest when Sooyoung poured the drinks on her and the dress she spent all of her money working as a barista to buy.
"It's over, Jiwoo-ah."
Chaewon cringed at the memory and at how the whole school started laughing soon after, a lot of people taking videos and pictures like they alway did since the first rumors of Jiwoo being a slut surfaced.
"It..hurt a lot, you know?" the voice spoke again "And the worst part is neither you or her talked to me for a good month after it happened while everyone at school found intrest in humiliating me more. Because apart from a slut I was a cheater too, I did the first move. Like always."
A few tears rolled down the blonde's cheek and on the bite mark on her arm, eyes closing and her head fell back against the door.
"It was okay that you never spoke up about it, not even to Sooyoung unnie. I could handle it, it's not like getting constantly harassed is that hard. Right, Chaewonie?" it was the worst. Jiwoo could barely walk into school some days "I love you either way. You are my best friend. Forever."
Chaewon had never heard so much pain in the red head's voice nor her being ironic. She was always kind and..loveable. Yet the recording playing from her phone didn't sound like the usual Jiwoo at all.
Or maybe it did. It was just the people that weren't used to hearing her real self. Not that she ever let anyone see it anyway.
"Nice talking to you Park," Jiwoo laughed bitterly "But now, I got to sign out."
-kimwig
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12 REASONS WHY | LOONA
Fanfiction"If you're listening to this, you're one of the reasons why." Jiwoo was always viewed as the happy girl, the energetic one of her friend group. She had no reason to be sad, people thought, and if she was, she was being dramatic. But what if she real...
