DREAMING WITH EYES OPEN (YiZhan FanFic)

COLD WAR

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ZHAN POV

I woke up in the new bedroom Mari gave me; it was beautiful. It made my attempt at interior décor at my apartment look like child's play. It had a queen-sized bed, with beautiful oak furniture and the rest of the décor and curtains were red and white...striking and sophisticated; something I was not. Like his bedroom it had a huge bathroom and 2 wooden doors to a closet just as big as his; if not bigger, filled with clothes I could never afford in my life. I sighed

Try as I may to avoid it but my conversation with Yibo last night came back to me,

I don't make a habit of deflowering others either; they always have expectations I snorted. Of course he didn't. He was used to worldly from others who weren't needy and weak like me. Him making love to me was just a mistake, heat of the moment thing, I thought bitterly.

I'm not the one for anybody That I couldn't argue with. There was nobody on this planet that can claim to deserve him, no one could reach his level of perfection.

I should've just laughed it off with him and pretended not to be fazed, but instead I showed how truly hurt I was by being cold and sarcastic.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I cursed myself, banging my head onto the pillows How could I be so stupid? Honest to God, what did I expect? I knew exactly what I was doing; and it didn't matter. Of course I didn't feel like he owed me something just because I was a virgin.

Although I always thought I was saving myself for my future lover. But in that point in time none of that mattered, the world just stopped for me. Worst part of it is that I couldn't even blame him, what for?

It's not his fault that he doesn't care; it's not his fault that I'm weak.

He could walk in this very instant and I would make love to him all over again. Even though I knew it didn't mean to him what it meant to me, I wouldn't have the willpower to stop him yet again because I still wanted him that much. How pitiful, and now I would be counted amongst his many conquests. A label I've tried to avoid my whole life.

The saddest part was that despite all of this I still couldn't find it in my heart to regret it. It was that special; to me at leased.

A tear escaped the corner of my eye; I quickly wiped it away in disgust for myself.

I got out of bed wondering how I was going to live in the same roof with him and pretend as if nothing happened, STOP BEING WEAK!! I shouted inwardly. Prove yourself strong, that you're not someone he can just screw around with I told myself. And strong I would be.

With that a cold war began, Yibo and me never sat together or did anything if the rest of the gang weren't there. Even as everyone did something together we were always indifferent to each other, sometimes avoiding each other altogether. We never said anything more to each other than "hello" and "Goodbye". It depressed me. Sometimes he came home late; looking like he just ran 10 miles, and on others he didn't come back at all. Those nights were pure torture, because I knew very well what he was doing, and my stomach turned at the thought.