In the Shadows

Visiting a Friend

The first few weeks of being a mom have been a whirlwind. Thankfully Laura has a lot of experience which helps me. Bobbi and Hunter check up on me while they're traveling, Clint finally is back home but is on house arrest. I decided to take a trip to New York and visit Tony Stark while multiple agents came to help settle Clint into his own home.

Never in a million years did I think I was going to be friends with Iron Man or see him have baby fever. I felt bad for Pepper every time he looked towards her as if he's saying with his eyes "let's make one". Whenever Tony tried to send those signals, I did my best to shut it down for Pepper by having him play with either Andrew or Phillip. For that, she was grateful, especially when I would bring up how painful my labor was. 

One of my favorite things about telling my labor story plus naming the twins, (leaving out Bucky and Steve), was Tony would tell me about his interactions with Coulson. At first, he didn't know I knew his Coulson but giving him that small bit of information made our connection grow. It helped to smile and think of when life used to be less painful. I can't speak about how I really met Coulson, so I told him a true story about Coulson and I but in a false setting. Like how we spent my first real birthday together since I only recently found how when I was born when I met Cal. July second. He bought me pie because although he "loved" cake, Coulson is... or was an old fashioned man, and because we were at a diner. That diner I supposedly worked at when I ran away from foster care and before Coulson passed.

Time passed and all I could do was close my eyes, Tony saw me sprawled out on his fancy couch and laughed. "You know sunflower, you're always welcomed here at Stark Industries," he tells me. Refusing to open my eyes, I send him a smile, "Never did I think I would get a job offer from the Tony Stark... well actually I take that back. I'm very talented when it comes to CS". For a moment all was quiet and then Tony impatiently clears his throat, "That's it? I thought you had more to say? Yes to the job offer or no? I really want an answer". I lazily roll off the couch to turn and look at him, "Well Mr. Tin Man I want to say yes but I can't. I've only been a mother for a few weeks and feel like I'm failing at it. I know the difference between Phillip and Andrew but I can't feel my connection with them grow. I thought I was feeling better with all the trauma that I faced with Lincoln's death but it feels like an invisible weight is on my chest, like I'm depressed. The sad thing is I don't know if this is just me not being okay or if this postpartum depression".

After I lay it all out there I realize I haven't been being honest about my health to others or myself. I don't even notice Tony sitting closer to me rubbing my back to try and comfort me from this hurt I'm finally letting out instead of pushing it down even more. With such seriousness, Tony looks me in the eye and says, "Daisy, I can't say I know how you're feeling because I don't but that doesn't mean I don't want to help. How about we get a doctor specialist person to come give you an eval and a checkup for you and the twins, you're all due for one. Don't worry about the job, worry about yourself first. From what I can tell, you're a fighter, you want to protect everyone you care about but for you to protect others you need to protect yourself first. Stay here and relax. I'll set up appointments and get some nannies to watch the twins while you rest up". Tony gives me a big hug as well as a kiss on the cheek and proceeds to walk away so he can do everything he just said. I walk into the spare bedroom I used whilst I was here for my first visit and put the twins to sleep. I lay next to my sons and just look at them, so innocent and precious. The last thing I do before I fall asleep kiss on their heads with that drift away into a dream.

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Hi guys! I am so sorry that it took me this long to post again. Uni is harder than I thought (not really but much more time consuming than I bargained for). I hope you all are staying safe out there with the virus going on. I hope online courses aren't going terribly. I miss writing and plan to try and make a habit of writing more while being home.

check out my other stories while you wait for me to post on here

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thank you for the read and love you!

(stay inside!)