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Excuse errors 👏🏽
Four months later Nicki pov
Who knew a four-month-old was so active he's, trying to sit up on his own. As I thought, he has the stubbornness of both Meek and I already. He is trying to hold the bottle on his own, but he just can't get it right. I stopped breastfeeding almost two months ago when I had to I back to work but I make sure to pump plenty of milk and my boobs are like waterfalls. They just wont stop,so we have a freezer full of milk.
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At first, it was in bags but then I learned that breast milk expands so I put it in jars and made little popsicles.
Meek is gone. Like he is never there anymore. At night when Omari cries I get up not Meek, all he does is tell me to get him. Or he can't hold Omari when I'm pumping because he's busy but guess what! I'm busy too taking care of his child. He leaves really early in the morning and comes back well after midnight. It's exhausting and terrifying and I have no more tears for this. I had to find a babysitter all by myself I mean imagine if I didn't lose twin A. I would be stuck. I just wish he would pay attention to me as an individual, not just somebody taking up space with her kid because postmortem depression is a real thing and is happening. I may end up moving back to New York.
I still have my shop and apartment but I just up and left with no explanation. I still know what's going on I keep up with the manager and watch the cameras. I still do everything that is needed for the shop I'm just not there physically. I plan on trying to wait up for Meek because we really need to talk if this relationship is going to continue to work. I'm tried physically and emotionally. I have slight bags and I haven't washed my hair properly in weeks. I can't even function properly because I'm so tired.
2:37 am
"Meek!!"
"Yeah"
"Can you come here please"
....
"What's up"
"We need to talk"
"About what, we good right."
"No, Robert we are not good."
"Okay so what"
"I'm moving back to New York"
"Why"
" we're done I can't do this anymore. So we are moving."
"Who is 'we' and we not done till I say"
"Me and my son. Meek you are never here, and when you are you don't do anything. I am the one changing diapers, bottles, and getting up in the middle of the night. You leave early is the morning and come back late at night. You don't even touch me anymore which makes me think there is someone else. Meek I am depressed!! I try not to be but is it hard! Do you know how many bad thoughts run through my hard on an hourly basis. I can never fall through with them because my child needs a mother and a father and clearly I have to be both. It's so tiring and I'm done. With you. You will not string me along anymore...That's all I am very tired,goodnight. I wish you the bast for everything but I'm done."
"Wait we gotta talk about this I'm sorry."
"Listen if you wanted to talk to me at all you would've been here more often. There is nothing else to say."
