Certain Things | Chaelisa & Jensoo

Chapter 20

A/N: some of you already might have read this chapter but for some reason it says it hasn't been published and I can't see reads or votes or comments. So I'm reuploading

!Trigger warning, this chapter contains discussions of self-harm and suicide. If you're not comfortable with it please skip the beginning of this chapter!

I tightened my hold on the razor and pressed it against the soft flesh of my wrist, "This is the end"

I saw the skin of my wrist stretch under the pressure of the blade.

I pressed a little harder, seeing a wound open itself and it stung a little but that didn't stop me from continuing the task at hand.

What stopped me from going any further though was the sound of the door being kicked out of its hinges. I knew that if I pressed only a tiny bit harder blood would start seeping out and everything would be over. I looked to my left only to see unnies holding onto the door so it wouldn't fall to the ground in case i was sitting next to it and Lisa standing in the middle with horror in her eyes.

In a matter of seconds, she threw herself to the ground next to me, yanking the razor out of my hand and throwing it to the side, "What have you done" she breathed out, examining the wound at the base of my wrist.

Once she concluded the damage wasn't bad enough for me to bleed out she let go of my hand and cupped my face with both of her hands, staring into my eyes deeply as if trying to see past them to look what was going on in my head.

'Good luck' I thought to myself, 'even I can't figure it out'

"W-why..." she choked out, her voice giving up on her, "Why would you even consider doing something like this!" she said louder this time, her voice close to yelling.

I just looked at her, unable to say anything as I stared at her. Seeing her in this heartbroken state, kneeling in front of me with tears streaming down her face broke me even more but fixed me at the same time. I've realized what a great mistake I was about to do. Seeing her react this way to me almost ending my life, I knew that if I did it, it would break her. I wouldn't protect anyone this way.

"H-how could you....you promised you'd never leave me. I can't do this without you. I-if you did something to yourself, I wouldn't be able to handle it Chaeyoung. I-I can't lose you, I need you." she said quietly and pulled me into her chest which was heaving rapidly from the unstoppable sobbing, "P-please, you can't leave me..."

She pulled me even closer to her body, my legs resting on her lap as her hands held tightly onto my waist and her head was buried in the crook of my neck, "I can't lose you, Rosie..."

"I-I'm sorry," I finally managed to croak some words out and wrapped my hands around her torso as we were both crying into each other necks. We didn't care if the other's shirt would get stained with tears or if Lisa's would have bloodstains on it from the wound that was still very much present on my wrist. I was just happy Lisa came in time to help me out of the pit I was falling into as my judgment got clouded by everything that happened. She was always there to save me and I just proved I wasn't there for her to do the same. And I fucking hated myself for it, not to the point where I'd attempt to slit my wrists again but still hated it. I wanted to be there for her just how she was for me.

"I'm s-sorry I'm not here to catch you..." I cried out before she pulled back and tugged a few loose strands of hair behind my ear, "What do you mean?" she asked softly.

"Look at me," I motioned around with my hands, "instead of handling this calmly and figuring out a way to protect you and unnies I was ready to take the easy way out, only thinking about the impact it would have on me. We're in this together right? And I wasn't here for you the way you are and always were for me. I'm sorry Lis, you don't deserve a shitty selfish girlfriend like that. " I finished and looked at my hands that were resting in my lap, too guilty to look at her loving face.