Breathers.

My Closure ♡

To: my first love, who didn’t know they were my first love.

From: the person you confused as you kept lying to them.

Honey, love, baby… the reason behind my Philophobia, the one who made me understand something I could never relate to, and I’m not just talking about loving someone. I used to look at girls who were in love with assholes as something I’ve never got, until YOU came along.
Turns out when you’re in love with someone for the first time, you become so weak and dumb. Our brains start to trick us into seeing everything they do as good, no great! They would be killing us and we’d still clap and smile, we’d think to ourselves “you’re so beautiful” as they’re drowning our faces in quicksand. After that, we’re left numb.
But I would like to go back to discussing YOU, the one who I found myself falling for. May I ask you and maybe everyone who’s reading this something? Why do you love the hit and run method? See what I’ve noticed is that I wasn’t the only one; there are countless cases when it comes to being a victim of love, yet the mentioned method is the worst and sadly most common one. An emotional hit and run is when a person hits you with the “I’m romantically interested in you” but does nothing but runaway from even the mention of that incident after, they only give us a tiny spark every time they feel we’re on to them, to which we end up lighting the whole candle with, and I’m sure many people have suffered from this despicable act. What they seek could differ from just wanting to see if they can have us or use us as way to get something else they want. People like YOU make it harder to trust someone, and continue to view love and romantic relationships as something pure and sacred.
So, did I break you down when I’ve realized it? I mean it’s your thing to analyze others after all. Do you miss it now that it’s gone? Me caring for you and giving my full attention… that probably annoyed you at some point though, didn’t it? Well, don’t worry, I won’t be doing that mistake again, I promise. I’ve been fully focused on my own needs and desires. I won’t lie it feels much better to give my all to someone who actually deserves it.
Leaving you was the best decision I’ve ever made, I felt so light and free after getting rid of the heavy weigh caused by my unhealthy love for you, I say “unhealthy” because to fall for someone who doesn’t feel the same way, yet choose to let you suffer, is the worst sickness you could ever suffer from, that’s why I’m glad it’s over. I can smile now that I know my worth, you see I was wanted by many good people (and even if I weren’t I still know how wonderful I am, I have a strong heart that was capable of loving even the likes of you) but I stayed faithful, I wouldn’t even  mention them and I was so dedicated to the limit of always making it clear, how helplessly in love I was, while you walked around ignoring the love I had for you and whined like the kid you are about not having anyone as those fake bitches threw themselves at you, both of you are terrible by the way.
Thankfully it’s all over and my friends don’t pity me anymore, the word “vulnerable” doesn’t anger me or make me feel weak, I chose to treat it as one of my strong points. I finally accepted the parts of me I used to hate, I became more confidant, put my focus on working harder towards a better life. Seriously, you breaking my heart was the best thing that ever happened to me, my knees that were so weak back then got so steady, oh and let me tell you, I fall asleep easier now that I don’t have someone making me question everything about my relationship with them.
I guess I better thank you for making me experience something I thought I was missing out on, and for teaching me how to get better at loving myself, and to keep in mind, that now I know how to go for someone great next time.
Thank YOU.