Meeting the waud twins

August 28,2019 - August 31,2019

So I posted my edit. I worked hard on it. I really wanted Jason to see it. Lots of people helped by tagging him and sharing it and all that. But little did I know that the day he had other plans. He flew to Tennessee to see someone and he never saw my edit. I was heartbroken because I got my hopes too high and I failed while he was happy I was left becoming depressed. I don't have a huge past with depression issues but last winter I had what seemed to be seasonal depression. It's pretty close now to the time that I got it last year and idk if it's full or seasonal depression but it's not clinically diagnosed but I show some symptoms of it. I tried to deal with all the ship edits of Jason and Cami but I couldn't with what was going on. People were bashing me for not shipping the two together and I feel like even on here I will get hate from the people who end up seeing this and ship them. But it really hurt me to see everything and for people to indirectly or even directly be rude to me which makes sense. I got dms about it and someone who was my friend even posted saying every reason why my opinion and feeling were wrong. It got both Jason and Cami's attention and cami commented on the post. My post was deleted because of the rude comments towards me and I was left at an even worse mental state. So on August 31st I decided to take a break. I know if I go back that all I will see is ship edits of literally the same pictures and videos arranged differently with different audios because they don't have any new content of the two coming in or even Waud Twin fan accounts posting edits of cami. And don't get me wrong I've really got nothing against the girl at this point especially but I'm still hurt when I honk about the topic. Some of my dms consisted of people telling me that I am wrong for not shipping the two even though it's my opinion and when things are opinion based there is really not a wrong answer but they acted like I was not happy for Jason and like I wasn't supporting him and someone even made fun of me for all of it. I never once said that o wasn't happy for Jason or that i wasn't supporting him through this because of not agreeing with it and I know that I don't have a say in what he does but I am trying my best to support him and be happy for him but imagine being put in a situation where someone you deeply care about is with someone that you don't think is the best for them. Whether it's a best friend of the same gender with a person that isn't good for them or a person of opposite gender that you like like with someone that you don't think is right for them and it hurts you to see them together and it makes you really sad. Is it gonna be easy to show your support or happiness for them when you are over somewhere getting depressed. No it's not easy at all. And that's how it is for me. I see he's happy and I'm happy for him but I'm also concerned that I might be depressed and it's hard to show that I'm happy for someone when I'm not even happy in general. So I left for a while. But what I haven't announced is that I think that I might just leave entirely at this point. I have nothing to go on with being on the account for. It's not helping me when I'm sad anymore because it's what causes my sadness because of how some of the people are now towards me for my opinion. I love my friends from the whole journey and I love the twins still but I can't go on with it and I have too much important things that I can't let my fan account take up my time. And it hurts me to do this but I think in December when I planned to come back from my break. If things are better for me without the account at that time then I'm gonna completely leave. It hurts right now to say that and it might hurt to go through with it but I feel like I really need to move on even though it was such a big part of my life for a whole year. But the difference now is that staying back then was easy because it made me happy but whether I stay or go at this point it's just gonna hurt. So yeah. That also means that I'm not gonna be writing stories on here as much. I can't really write about them like I used to because it's gonna make everything harder but I will finish the stories I already started and then I'm logging out and switching to my personal account (that is if I completely go through with leaving the fan account stuff behind which there's a pretty good chance of that right now) and in the end don't get me wrong. I'm still gonna follow and support the twins but not with a fan account anymore. I feel like it's still gonna hurt me to do that because I'll still be seeing them and all the edits they post on their story that my friends made but I feel like I need to move on from the fan account at the moment. I know one of my friends already left from editing the twins and now made her account to edit someone else around the time of Jason unofficially dating cami and yeah. But I guess something good for me is that swim season has started for me again and this year the girls swim team has a team manager and they are a guy and I may have sort of developed a crush on the manager for my swim team over the last 3 weeks of being in the same place and seeing him for 2-3 hours a day 5 out of 7 days a week and this year when I like a person they won't unknowingly be competing with the twins being on my phone all the time. I'm crying rn, or at least I'm about to as I'm writing this cause this is my first announcement to say that I am leaving my fan account in the past and have sort of moved on to liking someone else who is actually from my school. But it's weird because everything that I used to see about relationships that made me think about a future where I was with either Jason or Joe, now doesn't make me think of one of them it makes me think of the person from my school that I like which is weird and new to me and I like it but I hate it at the same time because of how hard it is to move on from the twins and I feel like I can say this: I actually LOVED the twins and I know it was love. So even though I was never romantically involved in a relationship with either of them they were my first love(s). But I need to move on and it will take some time and be hard but I need to do it and if in the future our paths meet and the time is right then I might be with one of them but I need to move on with my life (as hard as it may be) and trust that God will lead me where I need to be.