A second chance

Chapter 20

The sound of crying woke me up. I blinked tiredly, and sat up in bed. Eden was crying, kicking her tiny hands and feet as she wiggled in her small crib. I bent over and picked up her tiny body.
"Shh, mommy's here angel." I purred softly in my throat, hugging her to my chest.
She whimpered and quieted, her little fist grabbing at my hair.
"Its ok baby girl, your ok." I nuzzled her soft head and kissed her velvety cheek.
I settled her in the crook of my arm while I pulled my hospital dress open, and I finally saw Eden's eyes. They were a beautiful sky blue. They lit up her whole face, she was beautiful.
"My beautiful Eden. Mommy loves you." I kissed her forehead, brought her to my breast.
I helped her latch on and relaxed when she started suckling. I glanced over and Wren was sleeping peacefully in his crib, his thumb in his mouth. I purred softer, gently rubbing the back of Eden's head as she ate. She grabbed at my finger and held on, pulling it towards herself.
"Oh your up." Warrick looked tired, there were bags under his eyes as he walked in.
"How, how long was I asleep ?" Warrick rubbed at his eyes.
"Mm, about... 3-4 hours or so ? The alphas brought the pups in to meet the twins, they were really happy about it. Ange I dont think really understood, but he was happy too. The left after about 45 minutes, to let you sleep." I nodded.
"Are you ok ?" Warrick blinked, chuckled tiredly.
"I'm.... tired." He sat down in his chair.
I set Eden on my shoulder, rubbed her back until she was burped and went back to sleep. I set her next to her brother, then turned to Warrick.
"What.... does that mean ?" He ran a hand through his hair, which I noticed looked disheveled.
"Todays the 23 of may." I blinked.
"Yeah I know you missed a day, kind of. The twins were born 9:38 and 11:21 on the 22 of may." I nodded.
"I'm a carrier." I felt my eyes widen.
Warrick gave me a tired smile, slumped back in his chair.
"Todays my daughters birthday." I didn't know what to say now.
"I didnt, know you had a daughter." It looked like Warrick had aged ten years in an instant.
"Yeah ... had." I felt the air in my throat choke me.
His daughter was dead. His pup was dead.
"I .... I'm...." I couldnt even form the words.
Warrick just smiled sadly. Thays when I noticed how tired, he looked. He was physically tired, but he was also mentally tired. His soul was tired. His soul, was sad and broken.
"Her name was Amalia." Warrick took a breath.
"I had her when I was 25. It was pretty rough for Jules and I, considering we were still in the army at that point. But we made it work." I watched him get pulled back into the memories.
"She was a little pain in the ass. Even before she was born, she'd lick me in the ribs and bladder just for fun. And would never let me sleep... but she was .... perfect." I saw a tear go down warricks cheek.

"She was a porker, almost 11 pounds, god did it hurt. But all the pain was worth seeing her. She had these, big fluffy curls and freckles, and... she had jules eyes. She had gorgeous blue eyes, whenever she smiled they'd light up her whole face." I slowly felt my eyes water.
"For the first 5 years of her life she was with us in the army. Then I got hit with that grenade and both jules and I retired. Took her home here with us. Back then, everything was a mess. The alphas had their own many issues, they weren't the kids I saw grow up when I left. And I couldn't really help cause I was a wreck with a kid too." He paused for breath.
"It eventually got better .... it got worse again but it got better. We managed worked through things, went on with our lives. It was, a good life."
"Amalia was, 15. She got my stubborn ass. She was bull headed and always wanted to do what she wanted. Jules and I had gone away for our anniversary, the not then alphas, I asked them to watch her." I felt my stomach sink.
"They, got into a fight. I still dont know what she said to Seeril. He got so mad apparently he slapped her. She ran out and he ran out after her. They, ended up in a high peak. The north ridge of the territory. Seeril tried to bring her back but, being my girl she wouldnt budge." I felt tears slide down my cheeks.
"Something happened, and somehow she did the crazy thing of going near the edge. And.... she slipped." My heart sunk, Warrick had no light in his eyes.
"Seeril, tried to pull her up. Tried so hard. But he had only recently been in recovery. He didnt... didnt have the strength, to pull her up." I slipped out of my bed.
"She, couldnt keep hold on his arm.... and fell." I reached out and hugged him.
"She, she hit her head first. It crushed the back of her head.... she was .... gone when Seeril got down there." Warrick continued in a dead steady voice.
"Warrick."
"I got the call, a few hours after. I, was numb the drive home. Jules couldnt stop crying and I..... I couldnt feel anything. When I saw her face-" I bit my lip.
-'Warrick."
"She was just sleeping. I just kept telling myself she was sleeping and we just needed to wake her up. She .... she wouldn't wake up, why wouldnt she-'
"Warrick !!! Enough !!!" I shook him.
He looked at me, tears slipping down his face.
"Enough. It's enough, now." He closed his eyes tiredly.
"You'd think after 10 years, I'd cope better huh ?" I shook my head.
"No, no." He just smiled sadly.
"You know the worst part ? Jules and I, a few years ago, finally felt like we wanted to try having another pup. Try to be happy again." He took a shuddering breath.
"And then I found out I couldnt have pups anymore." My heart dropped into my stomach, lungs squeezing in pain.
"The shrapnel damage, destroyed my uterus. There was no chance of me ever having, pups." I slumped into his shoulder crying.
"Stop..... stop, enough. Warrick. Enough." I hugged him tighter.
"I'm, so sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. I'm sorry." That's all I could say.
Warrick just slumped into me, exhausted and defeated.
And that's all I could say.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so so sorry.
Losing ..... losing..... losing...... always losing. If i ever, if i ever lost my babies. I would die. I would die. I couldnt, couldnt do what Warrick did. No. I couldnt. Oh Warrick.
"I just .... I miss my baby. I miss my baby girl. I miss my baby." Warrick started weeping into my chest.
"My girl, my sweet mila, mommy wants you back. Mommy wants you back." All I could do was hug him.
"I'm sorry Warrick, I'm sorry."
I closed my eyes and held Warrick, and held him as he just cried. Cried. For something he can never have back, and I cried for something I dont ever want to lose, and the pain of wanting to give to Warrick. But not being able to. So all I could do, is hug him, and apologize.
I'm sorry your pups gone. I'm so sorry you can never see her. I'm so sorry you couldnt see her grow up. I'm so sorry your in pain. I'm so sorry that there was nothing I could do.

I'm just, sorry.