The Los Santos Babysitter | Oscar Diaz

Authors Note

I don't usually leave authors notes on my story. And I didn't think I ever would. But I wanted to raise awareness.
To those who suffer in silence.
To those who cry themselves to sleep at night.
To those that ask themselves everyday, why am I living? And what is the meaning of life if I must spend every day of it in agony and sorrow.
To those who are like me.
For the past couple of weeks memories of my childhood has weighed heavily upon my conscious and I rewrote this chapter many times debating if I wanted to give my past a voice, to spark and bring to light a trauma that I have tried suppressing for many years.
But there are people who suffer unknowingly.
And Lo Siento is for you.
For those who are still dealing, and suppressing their fears, their traumas, and their depression💘
I'm sorry that it happened.
I'm sorry that no one was there.
I'm sorry that you may feel alone.
I'm sorry that you feel as if there is no hope.
I'm sorry that you are currently going through this grave and hurtful experience that has wreaked havoc in your life.
But there is hope.
And there is a life worth living, and I pray that one day a light will shine upon your life as it had done to me.
That you will find meaning, enjoyment, and you will once again smile and live every day around those who cherish you.
Find the person you once were before it all.
Let that person rise above the darkness.

I was 17 when I attempted suicide, my mother wasn't there for me, I told her I was depressed, I told her what happened all those years ago.
I was in a fragile state of mind and one day I finally snapped.
Emotion over ran me and depression consumed me and I couldn't do it anymore.
I couldn't and didn't want to continue.
But...
I thank god everyday for giving me a second chance, for not letting the eternal darkness take me from this world.
Because currently...
I am 22.
With three beautiful children
I am 22 with a man who loves every fragment of my soul and heart.
I am 22, who has overcame and fought out of this depression that has walked with me so closely in life.
Not today, and not anymore will I let darkness consume my being and leave a void.
It is hard, and some days it trickles into my life, the sadness that has caused so much despair, but I push through, because I have found my calling.

I am someone's mother.
I am someone's daughter.
I am someone's wife.
I am someone's cousin.
I am someone's niece.
I am someone's friend.
I AM A SURVIVOR.

Find your purpose my angels, find the meaning and find the things that make you happy in life, and know that there is rainbow at the end of this thunderstorm.
It is ready to bring joy and shine a light into your life with open and warm loving arms.
I love you all and if any one wants to talk, I am here.

The song above is called :
Smile by Jermaine Jackson
It's words reflect through music the earnest message I so wholeheartedly aim to deliver.

With utter and complete love and happiness to you all,
Renee 💞
Your unworthy author.