Trust

Chapter 19

March 2017 | N O W | Get In The Way

I watched Sterling as he walked out of the bathroom and towards the bed. The bed shifted a bit as he laid down right beside me. I couldn't stop staring at him and when he looked at me and smiled, I leaned in and gave him a kiss. I was at peace and all, but I couldn't help but still feel guilty about what he was doing.

            I don't know why. I didn't think I should feel guilty because he was only doing what he was doing to make me realize that he wasn't cheating with my sister, but my conscience was winning. My conscience grew even bigger with guilt as he got comfortable in the bed to attempt to get some shut eye; something that I'd been trying to do since he was in the shower.

            The last thing I wanted to do was ruin his chances at rest, but I just couldn't help myself. When he wrapped his arms around me, I felt a sense of relief that he was so considerate of me. It was actually moments like this that made me feel secure. It was moments like this that made every ounce of negativity flowing through my brain shatter and scatter away. He took all of the negativity away and that's what I loved the most about Sterling. He wanted peace all the time and it just amazed me how someone who'd grown up the way that he did saw nothing but peace in the world, despite what the world had offered him as a child.

            Now, I don't talk about it much, mainly because I don't know what it's like, but Sterling grew up in his home without a father and the only man his mother had in her life was him. His mother slept around with married men, conceiving him and his sisters; all three with different fathers. She depended on him to keep her together and give her two daughters something to look up to. She depended on him to help her provide and direct his sisters where they needed to be. His mother depended on him to carry the family on his back until he was old enough to make his own decisions. While his mother was very respectful of his decision to leave off for a while to earn a higher education, when he came back, he took back his responsibilities as his sisters' father, despite how ungrateful they were. But he's still doing it. And he was my hero.

            I mean, maybe being wrapped up in his arms made me a sucker, but I'm deeply in love with this man and I see the potential. I see what he's doing and what he's trying to do. I feel like the least I could do was meet HIM halfway and agree to do what it takes to get Monice out of here. The sooner she's out, the sooner she's out of my hair and my relationship. I just hoped and prayed that everything would go back to normal after this. It was just becoming too much for me. I needed to think about my baby. The baby that Sterling wanted more than anything in this world right now.

            Sighing, I look directly at him.

            My sigh may have alarmed him because he opened his eyes to look at me.

            "Everything okay, babe?" He asked me, shifting his position a little closer to me.

            "Babe, I can't stop thinking..." I tell him, letting my words tread. "I feel really bad that you have to leave the house whenever I do. You shouldn't have to do that just to prove a fact to me." I continue. "Just the fact that you're doing it means more than enough to me."

            He smiles and licks his lips.

            "And what makes you say that?" His voice was raspy, indicating that he wasn't too far along from falling asleep.

            "I don't know. I feel like, maybe I'm just overreacting about the relationship that you and Monice have. I'm just holding her responsible for the past and it's getting in the way of the present." I admit.

            "You have all of the right to feel the way that you feel, babe. I'm not angry with you for that. I just wish you'd take it a little easy on her, that's all. You've been going in something dangerous lately." He chuckled.