Guns and Mirrors

THIRTY-EIGHT

♕Harley Anderson♕

When Ramiro arrives, I'm seated at the kitchen counter with a spoon in a tub of vanilla ice-cream that I shovel into my face every few minutes.

"Hey," Ramiro greets after I unlock the door. I walk back to the tub, leaving Ramiro to shut the door as I reply with a tired "hi".

He raises a brow at me as I toss another spoonful into my mouth. "You okay?" He asks and I shake my head, not even attempting to hide my emotions. I've learnt that it's okay to feel around Ramiro.

"No."

He slides into the opposite mine. "You mind if I have some?" Ramiro asks cautiously and I reach over into the draw, retrieving a spoon and then giving it to him. I place the tub in the centre and he begins eating from the other side. "So," he says through a mouthful of the heavenly goodness. "What's up?"

I place my chin on my hand as I swallow the remaining amount in my mouth. "My best friend might be pregnant. And I just really wish that I could be there."

He nods in thought, a knot between his brows and I can understand why any girl would want to go out with Ramiro. He's gorgeous. And understanding. Any girl would be lucky to have him. I'm already lucky to have him as a friend.

"So they don't know for sure yet?" He enquires as he takes a spoonful of the dessert. I shake my head, the bun on my head wobbling.

"No. She's taking the test later today." My words are followed by a pout and Ramiro smiles softly at me, the indents of his dimples peeking out. "I wanted to be there y'know? I was supposed to be there."

The man in front of me nods before resting his chin on a fist. "I know it's hard to see it but everything happens for a reason Harley. Even the things that really hurt us."

Cocking my head to the side, I ask: "Then I want to know the reason."

"It doesn't always work like that."

I let out a sigh, knowing that no matter how much I wish it wasn't true, it is. There's nothing I can do about that.

"Have you ever wanted kids?" I blurt out. Ramiro frowns, concentration evident on his face and he places the spoon down for a second in order to clasp his hands together and place them on the table.

"I've never really thought about it. I don't have anyone to think about having a kid with. Plus, I don't think I'm ever going to be ready to be a father as long as I'm part of the gang." He admits, sounding a little guilty and I offer a smile. It's such a stigma that everyone has to have kids but I think it's alright if you don't. It's a lifelong responsibility and if you feel like you don't want to or aren't ready to take up that responsibility then there's nothing wrong with that.

"There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids Ramiro." I voice my thoughts out loud. "I think it shows how mature you are if you can admit you're not ready or willing to start a family."

A soft smile makes its way onto Ramiro's face and I feel a sense of warmth make its way inside my heart. That is until Ramiro asks: "what about you, huh? Do you want to start a family?"

I play with the ice cream in the tub, my eyes trained on the way the milky white goodness melts. Offering a one shoulder shrug, I imagine having a child with Danté. It sounds so prefect. He'd make such an amazing father. I can imagine him buying our child ice-cream and teaching them about cars. I can imagine reading my daughter or son a bedtime story and then kissing their forehead before they fall asleep. I can imagine attending parent-teacher conferences. It almost feels real the way I can picture that life.