Guns and Mirrors

FIFTY

♛Cameron Dawson ♛

It's hard to process. Even harder to accept. But I know it's all I can do. I don't have the power to bring the dead back up from the grave as much I wish I could.

I also know I have no right to mourn for her when there's others who knew her better, loved her more. But it still hurts. It still fucking stings. It hurts because I lost another person who understood me.

The gang is in absolute chaos but Harley and I don't stay long to see the aftermath of losing one of the highest ranking members. Harley had run to Ramiro but he had stormed off and left Harley in an even bigger mess than she was already in. She watched her die.

She watched Katalina die.

While I was busy storming the Slithers house and killing people, she was watching people getting killed. The minute we get home, I retire to the bedroom. Harley does the same, no words been exchanged between us. The horror of today's events hang in the air.

The Kings won. We took control. But did we really win? Did we really win if we lost a soul like Katalina's?

I stalk to the bathroom, running cold water over my face. I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I lean my hands against the sink, my heart aching. My whole body screams in pain, my eyes burning as I remember the last thing Katalina said to me before today's events.

She had walked into the garage with a weak smile, eyes hollow with stress.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She had shook her head and I embraced her, holding her tightly. She cried into my chest and we stood like that for a while before she pulled away, wiping at her eyes.

"After all of this is done," she had breathed, "I think I'm going to pull out. And go into photography while spending time with Ariela and be a normal mom. Or, as normal a mom I can be." She had smiled then and I felt pure joy for her.

"I'm happy for you Katalina. You deserve that."

"Oh don't get sappy with me Cameron." She tsked, pushing me back playfully with an eyeroll and I laughed.

"You know I had a friend once that told me that a flower has to grow through dirt first. Maybe you're about to blossom."

An angelic smile had spread across her face, the first genuine one I saw throughout the day.

"Maybe we're about to blossom."

Now she'll never get to do that. She'll never get to be the mom she wanted to be. She'll never go after the life she really wanted. She'll never be there to make me laugh again, to lend me an ear or give me advice. She's gone.

The pain the flares up in my fist after it connects with the mirror is welcomed but it's shortlived because before I can gather my composure, I'm dropping to the floor with breathless cries. Today I will not be ashamed to cry. I will not be ashamed to grieve.

"Danté." I hear Harley say, and I look up to see her standing by the door. A look of concern is on her face and my face contorts in pain. She's on the floor beside me in no time, her arms cradling my head as I hold onto her and cry. It's like that day all over again.

Me running into the house and seeing Carla lying in a pool of her own blood with Santino gripping her and crying over her body. It's like losing Carla all over again. And I can't take it. I can't take the pain. It hurts. It's overbearing.

"It hurts Harley." I cry out. "It fucking hurts." She strokes my cheek and holds me tighter, placing her chin atop my head.

"I know, Danté. I know." She whispers back. "But we're going to get through this okay? It's going to be okay. I promise."