My condition is bad. Feelings used to be complicated inside. But now, feelings do no longer exist. My days are useless. No one seems to care about me.
Mom and dad are upset. They say my grades are getting lower. But I don't care about my grades. I hope that all the teachers die. I don't understand my family, they want me to take care of my grades and marks. They ignore my condition, maybe because I am not telling them how bad I am broken inside. But not all of the things are told; some of them must be noticed. The gap between me and my family gets bigger every day. In fact the gap between me and the whole world gets bigger every day.
Most of the time, I find myself diving in my memories, watching the white paradise that Calor appears in. I remember her voice, her smile, and her kindness. Her shadow is following me wherever I go. Each day, in every single moment I see her. I feel her soul around me; I see her shadow in every view. My mind, my soul, and my eyes, they don't want to let go.
It has been two months now since Calor's death. My parents are worried about me. They still don't talk to me that much. I just want them to talk to me, and tell me everything will be okay. I want them to tell me the reason of death. Why do people die? I ask myself this question a lot, is that what we are living for? Is this the reason for our existence? We exist to die. Hearts are broken, tears are dropping each day, and pain is filling our souls. Do we live to suffer? Do we live to get hurt and fall apart? I wish someone can answer me…
"Son, come with me I want you to talk to somebody" my father leads me to one of his friends.
"How are you Aliter my son?" He asks me.
"Good" I respond coldly.
"You know my son, life can sometimes be unfair, but this is how life goes on. You have to be strong enough to go through it. And conquer your pain" he says in a soft voice. But wait, I have heard this words before, and I will keep hearing them all over and over again. Life is unfair. Okay I got it. But why it has to be unfair? I still don't get it. Why do we have to suffer to say that we are alive? God didn't create us to suffer pain and sorrow. God created us to be free. Freedom doesn't get along with pain and suffering. Because when you are sad or disparate, your pain and sadness imprisons you in a cage of grief.
I want to ask him…why? But I won't cause I know the answer, he will say that how life goes on and how this is how things should be. So I just nod.
"So I want you to promise me to take care of yourself, I want you to promise me that you will be okay soon." He says with a warm smile.
I appreciate his attempts to help me, I really do, but it's useless anyway. But I want to skip this conversation, I nod. "I will try my best" I say.
I get back to my room. And sit in silence. I remember Calor, her memory flashes in my mind. I see her smiling, I see her crying. I see her eyes and forget to wipe tears from mine.
Should I talk to someone, a friend maybe, or someone who can feel my pain? I don't know, and I will not do it today anyway, my body is too weak to stand up and walk. My soul is so heavy, and my body is so weak. So I will just wipe away my tears and… sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Nyctophilia part.I. (The change)-(editing)
Teen Fiction"The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone." In his dark world. He tries so hard to find his light. But, when most of the people prefer to live in darkness. He found that he has to escape from their darkness. But first, he must defeat his...
