Faking Feelings (Muke)

Ch. 5 - Stay Away

"Are you going to sit with us today, Michael?" Ashton asks curiously as he & Calum walk up to the table I was sitting at.

I look up from my book and shake my head.

"Are you okay?" Calum asks worriedly.

I nod and fake a smile.

"You're still our friend, right?" Ashton asks quietly.

I nod my head quickly as if to say 'YES!'.

"Okay.. So what about Luke? Are you going to go on another date with him?" Ashton asks curiously.

I shrug my shoulders, pause, then shake my head.

"Why?" Calum says in confusion.

Because I don't want to break his heart, I think to myself. I just shrug my shoulders.

"Alright" Ashton sighs, "We'll give you some space now".

I give him a weak smile to say thank you and watch the two of them leave before returning my attention to the book.

A few minutes later, my reading is disturbed again by someone sitting down beside me. It's Luke, obviously.

"Hey.. Do you like the book?" He asks curiously.

I give him a small smile and nod. I try to continue to read but the words start to get all jumbled up... Not because I'm dyslexic, but because I'm too distracted by Luke.

"Is it your favourite book?" He asks with a smile.

I can feel my cheeks starting to heat up as I nod my head in reply to his question.

"How many books have you even read, Michael?" Luke asks cheekily.

I shamefully hold the book up as if to say 'Well, this one'...

"What, that's the only one you've read?" He chuckles.

I nod and burry my red face in the book.

"You make me sick" Luke jokes, "You need to read more".

I pull the book down and pull a disgusted face as I shake my head.

"What?" He laughs, "I bet you had no interest in that book until you saw me reading it... And now you seem to love it".

I stare down at the book in shock... He was right... Oh my god... For the first time in my life I'm enjoying a book.

"Can I take you to the book store and buy you a copy of my favourite book after school? We can call it a second date?" He asks nervously.

The mere thought of a second date with Luke makes my heart flutter and brings the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling back. My eyes light up as I look up at him... But then I remember, I'll only break his heart, and look down at my lap and shake my head sadly.

"Why not?" Luke chokes out.

I just bite my lip and continue staring at my lap.

"Okay, fine" he mumbles, pulling a notebook out of his bag. He grabs a pen and quickly scribbles something down on a spare page before ripping the whole page out and handing it to me. It was phone number. "Here's my number if you change your mind... I'm free all weekend, just so you know" he says in a hurt tone before shoving the notebook back in his bad and standing up.

Luke, stop! My heart screams, but I remain silent as he quickly runs off.

I'm a fucking moron.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Stupid Diary,

I rejected an offer to go on a second date with Luke... And now my heart hurts...

It doesn't make sense..

He gave me his number before he left, and told me he would be free all weekend... And I'm not stupid, so I got the hint that he wants me to text him... But I just don't know if I should.

I didn't speak all day again today... My parents are starting to worry about me again...

I still don't understand why I'm so popular at school, I'm nothing special... But people are always trying to befriend me... And it kind of scares me... Even though I know it shouldn't...

I can't think straight and it's frustrating me... I can't do anything fucking right...

I guess I'm just going to go cry myself to sleep again...

- Michael x