usm . story dump

Drowning [ ]

To be completely honest... If this ever sees the day of light, I most probably ran out of ideas.
After rewatching both parts of The New Sinister Six, I really had no other choice but to write this. .___.
Reason: Scarlet Spider kind of caught my attention and I have absolutely no self control. (':

...
Oh, well. His character makes some real' juicy angst, but it's time to milk the idea cow,,

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When Ben had said that he hated water, he was really serious. It wasn't just a cover up, or some personality that could earn Peter's trust, but he genuinely hated water (which was probably why most of the Academy students used to compare him with a cat, but that's besides the point).

After making sure the Spider Jet had completely deserted him, he swam up and out of the Hudson Bay, making his way to the surface. Tired, he leaned back on the beach, looking around to make sure no one was looking.

He hadn't had his mask with him, and it only made him feel more vulnerable. He couldn't mask his emotions. He could hide the guilt and fear for the future.

He hadn't expected that he would have even survived the initial crash. He thought the explosion would have killed him.

But he survived.

By some stupid miracle, he survived.

And resisting the urge to die drowning, he pulled himself to the surface when he knew he was truly on his own. No more teams. No more Spider-Man... No more connections with anyone.

Leaning over the water, he noticed his faint reflection, kicking the water to distort the image. Gosh, he hated himself.

The decision to betray Peter made him regret everything. The moment he opened his eyes and started breathing, he knew there was really no way of redeeming himself. He was inevitably going to hurt someone.

And he did. All because he wanted to repay someone for something that "benefitted" him, even if it just cost him more than just his life.

He hated himself more for those thoughts, kicking the water bitterly when the image had reformed. Knowing that this would just be one endless cycle of fruitless image distortion, he pushed himself away from the bay.

He tried to calm himself down, using a technique Aunt May-- Peter's aunt had taught him before this... entire mess had happened. Just count his breaths until he had completely calmed down.

And on most days, it worked. Trying to deal with any lingering and unwanted guilt he had after stealing a report from Doctor Connors or recounting events and information to Doc Ock, he used this technique to forget. But after what he's done, he felt as if he couldn't live with himself anymore.

Because the guilt was a little too much this time.

Ugh... He was going to end up found at this point. Looking around, Ben found a familiar sewer opening peeking out a few metres away from him. He immediately scrambled inside; the smell of the place was annoyingly familiar. He forgot how the sewers had smelled ever since he fished Peter out of the Hudson Bay.

He needed to go somewhere where he could get his crap together, without anyone finding him, despite them watching him "die". No, he knew Peter a little too well to know that he wouldn't give up finding him yet. The best thing to do was lay low until his name ended up erased from history. The way it was supposed to be. Ben discovered a more secluded part of the sewer system, which was good. If he got lost, there was a higher chance no one would find him.

No one knew the sewers better than he does. Time wandering the damned place proved that.

He hung by the ceiling, sitting on the slightly curved surface. He sat back and sighed a little, jumping back into his ocean of thoughts.

It was better than being stigmatised as the person who betrayed an entire organisation run by the world's master of espionage and spy craft, if that was even a thing. And after remembering what he had done, he really did wonder why he didn't just let himself drown.

Maybe it was just a hope to see his team again, but that would be wishful thinking: they wouldn't want to see him again, especially after hurting them. Especially after hurting the people who made him who he was.

Maybe he just said that for a chance of forgiveness from Peter. But he felt that it was useless. He didn't deserve that forgiveness at all.

Hell, after what he's done to them all, he didn't deserve to even be breathing. He should've been damned to spend eternity in hell. And yet, he's still alive.

Why was he even alive?

He was left contemplating this train of thought. It wouldn't get him anywhere; the chances of being forgiven or remedying the situation dropped faster than (again) the writer's grades. Actually, the chances of that happening dropped the moment he even uttered a word to Peter.

He was getting off topic. With absolutely nothing to lose, Ben had to think of something to occupy his mind, or he might end up destroying himself more than that explosion would have.

Thinking about pushing his darker thoughts to a dark corner, he found a question he had at to question. Something to occupy his mind for a while.

He had yet to know who he really was. Whether he did have a past or not. If he truly was the first Spider or if it was just another spoon fed lie by Doc Ock. For all he knew, he had another family to go home to. Maybe even friends who were genuinely looking for him.

But he had to be real with himself; there must've been a reason why he went to Ock to begin with. Maybe a reason why he even got found and taken for whatever sick experiments he agreed to taking because of him.

But at least the thoughts that loathed himself so much had quelled. It would be best to deal with this another time.

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Inspired by OfficialUSMWriter