usm . story dump

Protect [ ]

Well, I am now realising what hole I dug myself into. Disclaimer: contains really sensitive material, mostly about r*pe. I was hesitant to post this since I've never personally experienced anything similar to this, but I hope I was able to bring this serious topic to justice. More notes below.

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Peter Parker

It was suffocating. A familiar memory that he thought he had shut away. He was holding onto the magazine in his hands, unaware of what the older man was implying when he was handed that book. "Bet you've never seen pictures like those in a stuffy burnout," Skip grinned, a cruel smirk spread over his lips. He hadn't noticed, eyes glued to the book. He tried to distract himself as much as possible, staring down at the loose threads of the couch. "Uh, no!" Peter answered, tearing his eyes from the magazine to confront the older male approaching him.

He crawled back out of instinct, only for his back to hit the surface of the couch's arm. He was still trying to adjust to what he saw in the magazine. "Come on, Einstein!" came the line. One that was all too familiar, "let's conduct a little experiment of our own! Let's see if we can touch each other like the people in that magazine!"

He could remember his own voice, pleading for him to stop or finding excuses to leave. The older man didn't listen. And someone who he thought could have been a close friend turned out to be the person of his trauma.

He forced himself out of that nightmare, limbs shaking as he looked over his surroundings to find some semblance of peace and quiet. He could feel his breathing shallow and quicken as he gripped his own bed sheets, the cloth hanging at the seams and on the verge of being torn apart as easily as ripping paper.

As time ticked by, with his laboured breaths the only source of noise in the room, he could feel his heartbeat begin to slow down to a calmer pace, thumping in accordance to his ever slowing breaths. He continued to slow down his breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out. The events of that day were still painted at the back of his eyelids, taunting him each time he blinked. It felt like being eaten up by monsters and being left alone. His heart was still beating, but he felt dead... and used.

He leaned back in bed, pulling the sheets closer to his form. Skip was gone, but when was trauma ever truly gone?

Each relapse was worst than the last. Even if it felt so far away, he always felt the phantom sensation of coarse fingers lingering over his skin, a mock tone of affection painted in a voice of true malice. He could feel his breathing choke up again, before he forced himself to start breathing again. He shut his eyes, trying to shut out the voices and the sight painted in the back of his mind. After a while of tossing and turning, he shot back up, throwing his costume back on before sliding his window open.

A nightly swing around New York wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

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The nightmare didn't come back, but the lingering sensation of it did. He could feel his Spider Sense flare up whenever someone was about to touch him, whether it'd be bumping knuckles or an amiable pat on the shoulder, he would always instinctively flinch away. Trying to keep his hands to himself.

The brushes over his shoulders as he traversed the hallways of his school felt like needles pricking his skin, threatening to break with the slightest provocation. Any warmth he could feel from another human being sent flares and red alarms in his mind, and he would always try to back away, others giving him rather odd looks.

Something worse than a school environment was training. His Spider Sense would always remain active and alert, but it became even more of a problem whenever the jarring sensations were pricking on his very skin as someone backed away, almost bumping into him from behind before he webslinged away.

But he could never escape things so easily, and the worse often came to reality. As he backed up from another android, he could feel his back collide with someone else's. He jumped forward, feeling the same pricking sensation on his back as his Spider Sense continued to flare, sparks of electricity circulating in his mind. Breathing halted, and he fell onto the ground, curling in on himself as he gasped for air, hearing the blood beat through his body as tears pricked his eyes.

He could feel his team's stares as they bore into him, feeling like needles and pins everywhere as he lay on the ground, Spider Sense blaring sirens in his already aching head, turning all sound into incoherent jumbles of white noise. His fists were bunched up, and the mask became suffocating. He could feel as his suit began to grow even tighter. Sticking to his skin as he continued to try and breathe.

"Spidey!" was the first voice he heard, as the white noise began to clear. His breathing began to slow and widen, still spiking sometimes, but he was doing a little better.

"What just happened, Web Head?" Nova questioned, hovering into view with that bright blue aura.

"I'm," he breathed, pausing in his words, "I'm fine... great, even."

He hoisted himself back up, still feeling those pins and needles prod against his skin, "let's continue, shall we?"

Iron Fist reached out to plan a hand on his shoulder, only for the red and blue clad hero to flinch. "Spidey, if there's something wrong, you should tell us," Power Man spoke, voice kind and stern. It felt like being lectured the first time he had to tell Aunt May and Uncle Ben.

"We've known each other long enough for you to tell us," White Tiger added, "we're a team, you could tell us anything."

He kept his lips sealed, arms crossed together and curled in on himself. He began to speak, with practiced dexterous stability that evidenced he's told this story before: the beginning of his "friendship" with Skip in his youth with how the man had assaulted him. The moment he thought someone he could trust turned out to be a nightmare. He explained in excruciating detail the fear and pain he felt, the way his skin burned when he was touched and how powerless he felt to even fight back. He faltered on his words once he couldn't bare to remember anymore, fists bunched up and trying to wipe away any incoming tears through the mask.

He could feel his team's eyes bare into him, judging? Disgusted? Concerned? The same way Aunt May and Uncle Ben were when they found out? He reached a point of the story where he could barely speak, his words turning into incoherent vowels. "I thought... I thought I was over it," he concluded, "I guess I just wasn't yet."

There was a hesitant silence, and the team surrounded him, gesturing for him to sit down with them while they took their respective masks off. "Happiness without sadness becomes meaningless," Danny spoke, hesitating to lay a hand on Peter's shoulder. Perhaps in a way that suggested friendliness.

"What happened doesn't define you, Peter," Ava chimed in, "you're the person that made you you now! No matter what happens, past or future, we'll always be here for you."

"Yeah, Web Head," Sam smiled, "you may not be ready to let go of it, and we would never understand how it feels to be you, but we're here for you."

"You're a hero," Luke added in, "but you're just a kid like us. You shouldn't be able to forget it, so take all the time you need. And don't feel bad about it."

Peter sat back down, removing his own mask to wipe away the tears more properly. "Thanks, guys..." he smiled, "you mean the world to me."

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I'll be honest and say that I had a hard time writing this: sexual assault is an extremely serious and sensitive topic, and it happens to everyone. The culture surrounding sexual assault is a flawed one, and because of that, victims are afflicted with more negative repercussions and assailants could go free.

If you're a victim of assault, know that these things aren't your fault. Your problems may not be properly discussed, and what happened to you wasn't the result of what you were wearing or whatever you did. Below are a few resources to consult if you or someone you know were sexually assaulted, please stay safe.

https://jenniferashtonmd.com/what-to-do-if-you-are-the-victim-of-a-rape-or-sexual-assault/
https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-assault-resource-guide#crisis-hotlines
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/recovering-from-rape-and-sexual-trauma.htm