Werewolf Academy

Chapter XXVI

What if I can't?

Those four words rang through my head over and over, tormenting me after my mate left the room. "Good afternoon, Luna." The pack doctor walked through the now open door with a smile on his face. "I was expecting it to take longer for you to wake up."

"I've always been quick to bounce back," I say. "Are there any complications that are irreversible?"

He froze, his hand still raised in front of the monitor to my right. "It took a good while to get you in good enough shape to heal, Luna. There was obviously major trauma to your abdomen and more minor concern of brain injury due to your concussion. I haven't had such a challenge in my career as pack doctor until Alpha James brought you in." He turned to face me. "From those injuries you will recover. If you'll excuse me, I have many other patients to look over."

"Wait," I call as he turns away. "I wasn't sure, but..."

With a deep frown he nodded and my heart shattered. "I did some testing. The same that is done for any other patient. Your estrogen levels were barely raised and there was no visual sign of the pregnancy. You were only carrying the child for a few weeks. The damage was too great for the child to live."

"Does Brian know?" I inquire softly.

"Only you and myself, Luna. If I can provide any consolation, you will still heal well and while it may be difficult, you will be able to conceive another child."

I nod numbly. "Thank you, Doctor."

Another headache pressed in as I hold back tears after he departs. I couldn't take it. I had despised the idea of a family a few months ago. I had gotten soft. Weak, even. The first tear fell. Then they poured.

I rest my forehead on my knees, embracing the pain in my stomach as my body quivered. I hated it. Feeling so weak. I missed that part of my old self sometimes. Not caring. Feeling nothing. Shutting everything down.

I moved to the bathroom to wash my face, bottling up everything I was feeling with shameful ease. There was a phrase I had said over and over, every day I trained.

I am Selina Carver. I have no weakness.

Now it would change.

I am the Nightshade Luna. I will not break.
———
Out went my emotions. My patience went with it. While my friends and some other pack members harped on me for moving about, my fourteen days of bedrest dropped to five. It wasn't by the doctor's orders. The only thing I had agreed to wait on was training. I wasn't stupid enough to get rough and tear stitches.

I hadn't yet brought the discussion I had with the pack doctor to my mate's attention. We hadn't discussed Devin either. I knew he deserved to know about the child we lost, but I didn't know how to tell him.

Taking a walk after dinner, conversation was sparked. "I've been thinking about what you said," Brian tells me, lacing our fingers together. "We should speak with Alysandra and the wolf council."

I clear my throat awkwardly and he stops walking. "I—" It was hard to speak, facing one another. "The pack doctor came in after you left. He told me it isn't impossible to conceive a child and..."

"And?" My hand fell low on my stomach. "Adalynn?"

"I was already pregnant, Brian. We lost the baby." He only let me see his shock for a fleeting second before hugged me to him. I pressed my face to his chest and he stroked my hair. "I suspected but I didn't want to tell you until I knew and—"

"What?" He pushed me back, holding me by my shoulders. "You went onto the field—you went to face that bastard—You did all that, knowing you were carrying our child?"

"I wasn't sure of that. I was sure there was someone I need to take down after years of being used by him."

"You should have gone into protection with the others."

"Bullshit. This was my fight more than anyone's. I was the one with the connection. It's my fault pack members are dead."

His voice dropped and when I met his eyes they were cold. "And now it's you're fault our child is too."

My wolf whines at his words. They held truth. Without hesitation or remorse he spun around, walking back into the pack house. "Bastard," I grumble.

"I hope you realize he isn't truly angry." I whirl, finding the previous Luna behind me. "I know what it feels like, loosing a child." I furrow my brow and she sighed, motioning for me to begin walking again. "I was just a few months older than you when I found out I was expecting my first child. Everything was perfect. James and I were ready to start a family. And when the baby came...it was stillborn.

"We grieved greatly. But three years later we had Brian. The best day of my life." She squeezes my hand. "You will get your second chance, Adalynn."

"Do you think our future children will struggle?" I ask. "My other name held a place in history. How will they be treated because of it?"

"With each new day you have people looking to you with trust and support. After what you showed them during the attack and what it cost you—"

"No one needs to know of my miscarriage."

"When someone nearly looses their life for a cause, opinions change, Adalynn. And maybe one day you'll have the strength to explain what else you sacrificed. Until then I swear my silence."

"Thank you."

We part ways and I take note of the darkened sky. It was nearly time for bed. I would have to see Brian again. I make my way into the pack house as slowly as possible while still looking normal. Opening the door I hear the shower shut off.

He came out wearing just a towel, his body going from relaxed to stiff in less than a second. "I'm sorry," he mumbles. "My wolf has been tearing me apart since the second I said it."

"I'm sure." Mine has been a whining mess since then as well. "We can both agree I'm reckless, Brian. It's obvious. But don't ever blame me for trying to help people. I have to continue proving myself until all they see in me is Adalynn. Until that other name is wiped away I need to keep pushing forward."

"I understand that. But I need you to stop making things personal and call for backup every once in a while. Can you agree to that?"

I nod, walking over as he pulls workout shorts on. "I can." I lean into his chest and he put his hands on my hips. I aim to kiss him and he pulls away. "Brian," I groan.

"No," he says, gently reaching down so he can carry me to our bed. "If you start playing wild child and get me worked up I'm gonna have some serious issues following the doctor's orders."

I laugh. The fact that there is currently a rule against sex was still driving him insane. "You can survive a few more days."

"Can I?" He hovered over me, kissing his mark. I groan and he repeats the gesture. "I love you, Adalynn."

"I love you too."