Olivia-24

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Dear someone,

I'm changing, I can feel it, and I guess I'm just so fucking scared that these are the moments I'm going to look back in a few years from now and regret.


My mom works a lot. For as long as I can remember it's always been frozen pre-made dinners and I had to learn to be content with being left alone from a young age. My father? A subject in which has only been brought up many years ago when I was 7 when I  finally addressed the elephant that sat and continues to sit in every room me and my mother are in. "Where's daddy ?" I remember the words hit her causing her to flinch at the noise as one would the sound of a gun shot her sharp dark eyes cut hard into mine before her face went blank and her breathing increased noticeably. She then blinked and like  a flash she masked her initial reaction with a smile as she knelt down to my heigh length and said "Olivia there is no daddy. It's just you and me, it's always been just you and me, and that's all there will ever be. Never bring up this conversation again please."

And so I didn't . I watched as father daughter dances rolled around and I listened to Madeline complain to me about how her dad barely listens to anything she says while deep down inside grew a weed of jealousy for i didn't even know what my father looked like.

Before we moved out here to Florida when I was six me and my mom lived in Arizona where I was born, my mom moved back however seeing as how it's her hometown and because of the support from her parents and I wondered if my dad lived out here for a while, though the subject of my father is one that is so scarce for me to even speak of it it's one I think about a lot in my head. Moving to a new state as a kid was pretty scary, I remember when we first got here my mom wanted to move instantly, not states but houses. Apparently my mom had issues with some people from her past that live around here. I often saw her having heated arguments over the phone about how she'd rather die than see "that woman everyday" I assume she must have been talking about Nancy who's about my mothers age that lives a couple doors down. Nancy walks around town in skin tight shorts and a see through white skirt that leaves nothing to the imagination while taking her morning jog my mom once called her a skank and I remember gasping because my mother's not one to gossip. She's not one to interact much at all, but she's a nurse after all her job is her life. I just sometimes wish she cared about my life as much as the life's she caters to everyday.

I've always kind of felt alone. Until I met Madeline. She'd always come over since I was never allowed at her house, probably because of Kyle, and she started sneaking out during the night since we were 12 to sleep in my room with me so I wouldn't get scared at night. She was like my angel. And her brother was like the devil. And they've always been on both of my shoulders.

I know Kyle's reason for hating me could be valid. That scares me the most. I just wonder if he could hate me so much because of it why doesn't Madeline? I suppose is because she must not know. So then I wonder if she did know would she to hate me? Though me and Madeline are currently not speaking the thought of losing the only person that cares about me is terrifying .

She's all I've ever had.
I'm startled by banging on my front door and I feel my heart beating through my chest. Who the hell is at the door mid day? I walk downstairs slowly as the banging continues I grab the closes thing to me which is a umbrella, I look through the peep hole to see familiar eyes and suddenly I'm more scared than I was before and the umbrella clinched in my hand. Kyle. He's mad. I can feel it fuming off him through the door and I take a step back and I wonder if I'm silent enough if he would just go away.
"OLIVIA! I know your fucking in there I saw you walk in!" Shit! How does he do that.

Against my better judgment I take a deep breath and unlock the door and before I can open it he's barging in himself. I've never in my life seen him this furious. His face is red and his eyes seem darker than usual. Our chest collide as he steps into the house and he back me up into a wall. It takes a moment for me to realize this is the first time in the ten years or so of us know each other has he been in my house. I'm thinking about that because I'm afraid to think of anything else, like how he's looking at me with those pretty eyes with so much fury. "I didn't think it was possible for me to hate you anymore than I already did. Really I didn't. But once again you proved me wrong. I thought you were a lot of things Olive but damn I didn't know you were such a whore." His tone is so calm it's chilling. I don't even flinch at his words though, he's said worse. I don't respond and this seems to make him angrier because his fist clenches as he looks away from me and punches his fist hard into the wall behind him. He doesn't leave a hole but the sound his fist made sounds horrendous. I'm sure he broke a knuckle or two . This doesn't even faze him as he turns around though . " I need to know if I hate him to so I'm asking you once and I swear I'll never speak to you again after today. Did you fuck him? Did you fuck my best friend?" The words get stuck in my throat . The truth wants to be set free but my body's not ready for the consequences . But I don't need to even say anything because he already knows. He's looking at me and I can tell he knows.

Kyle swallows hard and nods once and his fist unclenches. I can see it, I can see that any  type of feelings he may have had towards me burned right in front of me in that moment.
His eyes seem to water a bit and I'm conflicted as to why this is bothering him so much, is it really that awful to know his friend slumped down to my disgraces. "First my dad, then my sister and now Tyler. Wow." His dad? What the hell is he going on about now. "What do you mean your dad I've never even talked to your dad nothing but once." Kyle laughs shaking his head but it's clear there's  nothing amusing to him. "Your so fucking stupid Olivia it's actually pathetic and as much as I'd like to tell you I'm going to wait for the right moment , wait for when you least expect it. I'll wait until I know your life's going great so I can ruin that all for you, like you've ruined everything for me." He smirks and all the hairs on my arm literally lift, and then like he was never even fucking there, he's gone.

A/N
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