Loving the Enemy

27-Kyle

Dear no one.
Someday someone will break you so terribly you'll become unbreakable and people will call you cold or heartless and shit, fuck it, they're probably right.

The last few weeks passed by in what felt to be months. I started taking a higher prescription of medication again and the therapist I use to go to has been fired. I guess spreading her legs as a form of treatment to help her young male patients finally got the best of her. Tyler doesn't talk much, and that was usually all he ever did. He stopped coming to practice probably to avoid seeing me on the team. Olivia's gone. And you can't even begin to fucking comprehend how badly the temptation to run across the street and know what happened to her eats at me. Madeline's becoming a ghost. Just a haunting reminder of the fact that I know too much. My stepmoms in the hospital right now this time she said she slipped down the stairs but carpet covered stairs don't give you both black eyes and a concussion. My "dad" does.

But hey my grades our better than ever I'm not getting expelled I just received a letter in the fucking mail that I've been accepted to my dream university I didn't need SCL I didn't need my mom to be here and off of drugs I didn't need to have a real biological dad that didn't beat on my stepmom or a normal fucking childhood because I still made it! I guess I just don't get how I could make it this far and still feel so miserable as I did before.

As a kid I use to watch these movies about high school and these guys that were football players and they'd get full ride scholarships to play in college and they seemed so happy. I never really liked football I just thought if I played I'd be as happy as they were.

I just thought it would mean something. I've been walking around town for hours since class ended and I've lived here in this town my entire life and never has this place ever felt like home, all the faces are familiar though, I've grown up with most of these peoples but they don't know me. That's probably my fault, my mother taught me at young age that love isn't always a good feeling because sometimes love can feel the same way as being trapped does. Like you can't escape from it even when it's bad for you.

Ms. Paradox is a little old women with hair as white as snow who use to be my teacher through kindergarten till 5th grade is walking towards me with two grocery bags in her small weak hands and I force myself to return the smile she's giving me. "Ms. Paradox I don't know if your remember me but I'm Ky-"
"Kyle Everest, how can one forget such a rememberable child. What brings you to this part of town."
"Just need to go someone to clear my head, you still live in the same area right, I'll walk you if you'd like," I say reluctantly and she nods smiling happily and I take her bags. I only know where she lives because once my dad who isn't really my dad who is Mr.Green, who is my twin sister dad, confusing I know,  forgot to pick me up from school one day  and she took me to her house and when Mr. Green never came to got me she drove me home. She knew then the situation of my home life wasn't necessary a good one the house was covered In beer bottles and I'd begged her not to say anything to anyone and she never did. Every single day after that one that she had me as a student she'd always make sure I was okay and checked me and Madeline both for bruises or any signs of neglect but my father made sure that we didn't appear as kids who were being neglected in any kind of way. It wasn't until we were behind clothes doors did the true him reveal himself. But never in front of Madeline. I think Madeline reminds dad of our mother when she wasn't on drugs and I remind him that our mother cheated on him with another man and left because of drugs.

"How's that beautiful girl of yours what was her name...ahh! Olivia Kingston! A real beauty that girl is. "

My heart does a fucking backflip in my chest and it isn't a good feeling. "She's not my girl, don't you remember that time I tied her shoelaces together when she wasn't paying attention during gym. She fell on her face and she almost lost a tooth. You were so angry at me that you called my father and when he came down to the office he was furious and not furious because I almost knocked the teeth out of the little girl that he refused to make eye contact with but because he had to leave work to deal with me.   To deal with a child that wasn't even his, I feel like the reason my father kept me around is because of the same reason he didn't want me around: my mother."

I don't know why I'm telling her so much I think partly because she already knows the truth.
"A fool could see that even then you cared for that girl. You were just trying to protect her you use to think that if you were mean to her she'd stay away from you and your house and you only wanted her to stay away because you were afraid that Mr.Green would hurt her in the way he hurt you because after all she was his daughter and he didn't want anyone to find out. You just didn't do a very good job at protecting her , but you were doing it in the only way you knew how but then she became best friends with your sister and irony slapped you in the face and then you started to hate her for a different reason instead of blaming yourself for your mother's disappearance you blamed her and harmless pranks became physical and emotional abuse and it was wrong and it only made you hate yourself more because you started to think that maybe you were more like Mr. Green then way you ever wanted to believe. " the truth is cold and it's not always as pretty as the media likes to show it.  Ms. Paradox knew more than what I thought. Though she's old her memory is as clear as day.

And she was right and it felt as though the universe was playing games with me and it sucked.
A/N
Not edited I'll fix it late. But second update of the day!