Loving the Enemy

28- Kyle

Dear no one,
If your willing to fall in love you must also be willing to deal with the precautions of heartbreak.

Ms. Paradox never married or had kids, she was and still is deeply embedded in her job. I remember asking her why she didn't marry and she told me about how there was a study done saying women who never marry and who don't have kids live longer than they would if they did. She also told me women who don't marry and have kids live longer than men who don't marry and have kids and mean are more likely to become depressed because of it. I believe her now.

Her house gives me this overwhelming sense of nostalgia and my chest fills with agony as I glance at her orange couch and I feel myself becoming sick, I imagine younger me crying on it wondering why my dad didn't come to get me, I see her soothing me reassuring me that he must have forgotten, but people who forget certain things simply are people who have more important things to remember.
I'm was supposed to be his son, but it wouldn't be much longer before I realized I wasn't.
I swallow hard and place her groceries on her kitchen counter. "It's never too late Kyle to make things right. Maybe I'm crossing a line but Olivia deserves to at least know the truth, you should have never had to be the only one to hold that burden on your chest for so long I think Madeline will take it the hardest but you have to realize that there's nothing you can say to her to stop her from loving you." and there its was, the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I could deal with Olivia hating me but if I lost my sister Madeline there would be no one left.

But it already feels like she's drifting away from me with each day I choose to keep her in the dark. 
"I'm scared." I almost choke on the words, the words no one likes to openly admit. She smiles at me and walks toward me and places both of her hands on my shoulders. "Nows not the time to be filled with fear, you've always been so good with your words, maybe it be easier if you wrote it. But you owe it to Madeline to tell her in person, that girls always been so sensitive." We both share a weak smile probably thinking of the same memory of Madeline crying over any and everything. I nod at her and she wishes me luck and tells me how her house is always opened and she tells me how she's never stopped worrying about me but knew my situation was out of her hands.

I walked home fast and was surprised when I saw.. Mr. Green home early and suddenly the air felt knocked out my chest and I was shaking, and for once it wasn't from fright but from pure anger. This is all his fault. He barely acknowledges my presents as I walk into the door and the house is so quite I know Madeline must be visiting our stepmom in the hospital still and I'm just standing there staring at him trying my best not to fucking lose it. "I fucking hate you," never have I ever meant saying those three words more than I do now. He looks up at me in confusion his eyes are a dark menacing color that I've grown to despise he looks nothing like Olivia.

He seems shocked for a while because he doesn't say anything me and him haven't spoken words to each other In a very long time. "Do you think I give a fuck Kyle?" His voice is so dull that before I know it I'm storming at him and I'm in his face and he doesn't even move a muscle he's so unfazed by all of this that it only sets me off more. "Fuck you! Fuçk you! I'm going to tell them! I going to tell them all so they know your dirty ass fucking secret it will be known to everyone their all going to know what you did!" Then somehow he's on top of me punching me the same way I imagine the  he's done to my stepmom and for a second I let him. Because I know I deserve it, but that second doesn't last long because then I'm flipping him over and I'm on top of him and I'm beating his face in so bad I don't even know where he begins and I  stop and my vision goes black  until the front door opens and I can see the light coming in the dark cold house and there standing is Madeline screaming on the top of her lungs.