Fall for You | OT4

☾❙fifty six

luke hated nights like this. yeah, he struggles with falling asleep and staying asleep. most of the time he's lucky and can fall asleep, but he wakes up constantly throughout the night and eventually gives up and just stays awake.

tonight, however, was the nights he hated the most. he felt extremely tired, but he literally could not fall asleep. every time he closed his eyes, his brain would only produce more thoughts and worries, or just nothing at all. he felt himself slowly not being tired anymore. it was like his brain hated him and just did not want him to sleep. but he can't function without sleeping, weird how that works.

his boyfriends were all asleep, snoring away and luke sighed. he wanted to get up out of the bed, and maybe just drive around until he got tired again. car rides make him sleepy, he doesn't know how but they just do. sometimes he succeeds at falling asleep after, sometimes he doesn't. he couldn't get up though, because michael literally had a tight grip around him. it was like he was afraid luke was going to slip away and never come back.

does he do this with ashton and calum? luke wonders. he decides he'll ask them about it tomorrow... er... well, later today since it's one thirty in the morning.

"fuck it," luke mutters after fifteen minutes of trying to become tired again.

he slowly wiggles out of michael's grip, holding his breath and stops his movement every time michael moved or whined in his sleep. he frowned, not wanting to wake the guitarist up. he looks so tired all of the time, and luke doesn't want him to worry either.

he finally slips out of his grip and hurriedly slips his pillow into michael's arms. the boy whines, and grips the pillow in a tight hug and takes a deep breath.

luke waits a few moments, watching his boyfriend before quietly exiting the bedroom section of the hotel room. don't they own homes? couldn't they stay with their parents? he knows staying in a hotel during the whole time while they're here isn't very home-y or relaxing. maybe they could stay at his apartment.

wait. that would mean they would be living together. are they ready for that? is it too soon?

luke shakes his head, pushing those thoughts away. right now, he needs to find his shoes and keys, and focus on trying to get sleepy again.

he slips on his nike's, and winces as his keys jingle together. petunia's head shoots up, and she starts to growl. luke panics and rushes over to his dog.

"no, shh girl, it's just me, it's just me. go back to sleep." luke whispers quietly, soothing his best friend.

petunia licks his face before laying back down and huffs.

luke stands back up and clutches his keys in his palm so that they don't jingle together and cause disruption. he does not want to wake up anyone. he knows his boyfriends would throw a fit if luke wasn't asleep.

"luke?"

luke freezes. maybe if i stay still he won't see me.

"luke? where are you going?"

fucking idiot, you're not john cena.

luke turns around and frowns when he sees michael looking at him sleepily, his blue blanket wrapped around his shoulders. goddamn it.

"i'm just going for a drive. i didn't mean to wake you up." luke whispers, walking over to michael and wraps the boy in a hug.

"s' fine. i wasn't fully asleep anyways." he mumbles, breathing in luke's calming scent. he needs to find out what cologne this man uses.

"i'll be back, i promise. go lay back down and sleep." luke whispers, kissing the guitarist head and begins to lead him back to the bedroom.

michael shakes his head. "can i go with you? i don't wanna be alone right now."

luke bites his lip. "i dunno mikey... i don't want them to wake up and see both of us gone and freak out."

"please? i-i can't go back to sleep and i don't want to wake ashton or calum up." michael begs, looking up at luke with pitiful, sleepy eyes.

luke gives in and nods. he helps michael find his shoes and puts them on. they quietly walk out of the hotel room, and luke sighs in relief. he waits a few moments before lightly gripping michael's hand in his and leads them to the elevators.

michael lays his head on luke's shoulder as they wait to go down to the lobby. luke rubs his back, and kisses his forehead for extra comfort, and to hopefully calm the guitarist and lull him back to sleep.

the lobby was practically empty, except for the employees who looked like they were going to drop onto the floor any minute now.

they walked out to the parking lot and after a few minutes they finally found luke's navy blue honda. it didn't take them long to get out onto the road. luke's playlist automatically resumed since his phone is connected to the car's bluebooth. lauv played quietly through the speakers, and luke could feel himself slowly calming down already.

neither of the boys spoke, just listening to lauv's voice and focusing on the road. there wasn't a lot of cars on the street, but once he gets around downtown, the road is a little busier.

"do you wanna walk around, or do you just wanna drive around for a while?" luke asks, killing the silence between them.

"whatever you need to do to sleep." michael immediately answers, a yawn breaking through.

luke shakes his head. "not an answer. what do you wanna do?"

michael groans. "luke, i don't care. if you need to walk around, we'll walk around. if you need to drive around, we'll drive around. you need to take care of yourself first. don't worry about me."

luke sighs and pulls into a parking spot on the side of the road. "i'm always going to worry about you. i'm always going to worry about ashton and calum too. i want to make sure that you are okay before anything else."

"and i want you to make sure you're okay before anything else." michael says, turning to look at his boyfriend.

luke sighs and smiles lightly. "you're so cute."

michael fights a blush that appears and shakes his head. "don't change the subject."

luke chuckles. "too late."

after sitting in the car for a few minutes, they finally get out of the car and walk around. it was quite cold outside, so michael draped his blanket around the two of them.

the sidewalks were practically empty, except for the few drunks or sneaky teenagers, or adults who were late going home from a long shift at work.

it was quite peaceful, almost. luke forgot how much he loved walking around downtown. that was before his social anxiety became worse and he stopped going out as much.

he misses being truly happy. he misses being able to go out and do things without being highly anxious or leaving early.

maybe seeing a psychologist would help. he knows he's already told his boyfriends that he was going to see one, but now he isn't so sure. luke fears something might go wrong and his experience with a psychologist with go down the drain again.

but... maybe it won't be so bad. maybe this is what he has needed all of these years. it's okay to get the help you need and want. sometimes it may take a while to gather that courage and mindset.

no matter what luke decides, he knows he has three boys who will support and help him the best they can.

_____

the new cover is so 🥺