Mark Of The Star ~ Bucky Barnes

13 ~ vulnerable

Trigger warning: very small mention of sexual assault.

"You ready to talk about it, doll?" Bucky asks you as he brings you a warm mug of hot chocolate, who knows how he thought of the great idea to pack it amongst everything else that was going on.

"I don't know..." You mumble as he brings over his mug and sits opposite you on your bed, crossing his legs and giving you his undivided attention and support.

"It's okay, I'll be here when you're ready." He replies and you nod before taking a sip of your hot chocolate. "I get them too...ya know."

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah, all the time." He replies and you look into his enchanting eyes, suddenly finding it hard to collect yourself again.

"...About what?" You ask him hesitantly, not sure if he's willing to be vulnerable with someone who, to put it bluntly, has been a stone-cold bitch to him for years.

"Well, mostly about the things I've done. I don't really have a clear memory of it, so they come in flashes. Other times they're about things I haven't done, but I guess I'm scared of doing..." He replies.

"Like what?"

"Uh...well. Hurting the people I care about. Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Clint...you..." He hesitates and you try to hide your blush and confusion, although you can't help asking.

"M-me?"

"Of course. I care about you (Y/N). Whether you like it or not." He smirks and you giggle and roll your eyes. "Which is why I wanna help you with this. I know what it's like to have them so I understand."

"Thanks, Bucky." You tell him and take a deep breath. "I guess my nightmares are kinda like yours...in a way. Flashbacks." You pause and take another shaky breath.

"I'm here...you can talk to me, darling." Bucky tells you, placing his hand over yours which is one of the most comforting and sweet acts you've ever experienced.

"A while ago...something happened to me. After my parents-" You stop, taking the time to look up to him to see if he was okay to talk about your parents, considering it's probably what his nightmares are about. It's probably the first time you've ever taken his feelings into account, especially regarding your parents.

"Yeah?" He reassures you so you continue.

"After my parents passed...I was kind of, well, reckless. So was Tony. I guess it was our way of trying to block it out. Anyway, I went to a party one night, which was dumb because I didn't really even know anyone there. I only went for the alcohol. A-and...I had a little too much so I wasn't really in my right mind. A boy older than me...a lot older than me...made me go upstairs into a bedroom and he...well...forced himself on me. I never really got over it, not even Tony knows about it so I never got help for it. I-I was drunk so I p-probably did something to encourage him or, I don't know." You blurt out all at once, trying to contain your sobs at the end.

You finally look up at Bucky and see how defeated and upset he looks. He takes both of your mugs and placed them on the bedside table beside your bed, before taking your hands in his.

"Doll...I'm so sorry that happened to you. Don't you dare blame yourself for it, it's not your fault, he's an awful person and he deserves to suffer like you have and still are. I swear if I ever see that son of a bitch I'll beat him so hard into next week he won't even remember his own name. I'm here for you and I'm glad you told me. Thank you for telling me, I know how hard that must've been." He replies sympathetically and you let a stray tear run down your face.

"Can I be honest with you about something?" You ask him, nervously and he furrows his eyebrows.

"Please."

"My nightmares aren't always about him...sometimes they're about...um...you."

"Really?" He asks, already knowing what's coming.

"It's you doing what you did to my parents. I haven't seen the security footage, I-I only know that it exists. Tony thinks it'll hurt me too much if I see it. Anyway, since I haven't seen it...the way you do it is different every time. It's why I kinda freaked out earlier when you were angry." You finish and Bucky looks like he's about to break, which instantly makes you want to break. Fuck. You shouldn't have brought that up.

"I-" He starts but you cut him off, already feeling bad about talking about it.

"I get that it wasn't exactly you who did it. It was the person Hydra made you become. I guess I'm just still coming to terms with it all, that's why I got intimidated when you got angry. I haven't seen you like that before so all these new feelings came up. Sorry for how I ran off, that wasn't cool."

Bucky pulls you into a warm and much-needed hug and you gladly hug him back. You know he only did it so that you wouldn't see how torn he is over what he did. He hated crying in front of people. He hated that other people knew the awful act he committed against your parents when he couldn't even remember it fully. He also hated how you were scared of him at times, but he knew it wasn't your fault.

He runs his hand through your hair comfortingly as you squeeze your arms tighter around his neck.

"It's okay. I understand." He mumbles against your skin. "Thank you for giving me a chance to show you I'm not that man anymore."

You hug for a little while longer before pulling away.

You can tell he's not ready to talk about it yet so you change the subject quickly. Pretty much straight away, you're both distracted and talking about something else.

You and he talk and laugh for a while longer, trying to lighten each other's moods after the intense conversation you just shared with him. You were glad you were vulnerable with him, and that he was comfortable being the same with you. It helped you both open up more.

"Goodnight, (Y/N/N)." He tells you softly, pulling the duvet up to your chin as your weary eyes close.

"Buck?" You mumble just as he's about to crawl back onto the air mattress.

"Hm?"

"Can you stay in the bed with me? I think it'll help my nightmares."

"Of course, me too." He replies and walks around to the other side of the bed, getting in behind you.

You were surprised you wanted him anywhere near you at this point. After the day you both had, him scaring you at one point, then after your conversation you had, you really couldn't believe you felt like this.

Maybe RoboCop is growing on you...

Hi :)

WE HIT 1K READS I ACTUALLY DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY IM SO GRATEFUL AND HAPPY. I CANT BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY GOT HERE I NEVER EXPECTED THIS MANY READS! THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️

well

anyway

sorry i feel like this one was kinda messy

hope y'all enjoyed anyway haha

this was kinda badly written but i haven't really written about deep stuff like this before and i kinda wanted to experiment haha so let me know what you think x

anywayyyy...thank you for reading :)

love you guys <33